Survival of the Fittest

But I'm Good with my Hands!

2010-09-08T12:00:00.000-07:00

Ah, the days of my youth, wasted and forgotten, sunk like old roots in a muddy terrrain that I can no longer navigate. Why the sudden need to wax poetic?

It's the 35th year of my life, and I am currently unemployed. There is nothing quite so humbling as searching the wanted ads for employment and realizing you aren't very qualified for anything. Even the paint store requires "paint mixing" experience. Does mixing it in my living room with a stick count? (i think not).

Where are the golden opportunities? The easy manual labour? The stepping stones to my newfound career? I've never applied for so many research studies in my life, convinced that perhaps my calling is to become a professional test subject (if only the aliens paid more, I might be rich).

Do you remember back when you had convinced yourself that there was plenty of time and many opportunities waiting for you, so feel free to just...enjoy yourself and take it as it comes. Sadly, I still practice that ethos, ever aware that it is exactly what got me into this predicament in the first place. The difference being (other than age) that now I do so in order to keep myself sane.

So Mr. or Mrs. eccentric millionaire, you know who you are (mainly because you're reading this right now) I am here ready and willing to be your jester, your transcriber, your muse. Call me, we'll do lunch.

Edit!

2010-09-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

In light of my Holli winning this year's Hell' Kitchne, I feel that perhaps I was a touch hasty in choosing her to be in my five.

So she's bumped.

And replaced with Miri Jedeikin. yup, I feel good about that choice:

(you can follow Miri on Twitter: http://twitter.com/mirithejedi)

A Rose By Any Other Name...

2010-07-08T20:23:00.000-07:00

In honour of the Pride celebrations last week, I felt it was time to post my annual 5 women I'd love to spend the night with list. Oooo, ladies of the world, perk your ears, finally the list you've all been sleeplessly waiting for.

Still, as little as my opinion might actually count, it's still important that it be done. Why you ask? Simple.

Lists like these, done by people like me, are more than just a quick jotting of hotness and it's place in one's pants. No, these lists serve as a meter, a line drawn in the sand, of what is considered worthy in our present day society. And as societal beliefs, standards, and lessons continue to evolve and shift, I am there to draw my part of the line. It's a "community" thing.

Oh who the hell am I kidding, it's self indulgent mental masturbation. Enjoy!

5) Holli Ugalde - If you have no idea who this is, then you haven't been watching Season 7 of Hell's Kitchen. Bedroom eyes, and can cook. Can you truly ask for anything more? Here's hoping she also knows three languages and how to undo a belt with her foot.

4) Emily Haines - Singer of Metric. You still have it. And yes where once you were number one, now you are number four. I blame that on the fact that you spent years at number one and not once did you call me. Down the list you go.

3) Mariska Hargitay - Ah my TV girlfriend. You continue to radiate and I continue to stare every time you grace my screen. Sure you've slipped a spot, but that's simply because where once I felt like SVU was playing with a thinly veiled rumour of your characters sexuality, now it is as blunt as a rock - Olivia is straight. We get it.

2) Olivia Munn - My inner geek shines through as this newcomer slides right to the second spot. This has been the year of Munn. When I first saw her on Attack of the Show, she didn't quite have me. Sure she's clearly hot, and into gaming, I still felt myself holding back, not wanting to commit simply out of band-wagon jumping. She sold me as soon as she appeared on the Daily Show as their new correspondent. Her piece on the Arizona Immigration Law-slash-traffic cameras, pure genius. I hear she's got a sitcom on the way and also wrote a book. Here's hoping neither of those change my mind.

1) Tina Fey - Welcome to the top Tina. It's been a long time coming. More than any other person on this list, I want to spend the night with you. And I do mean spend the night, as in go get food, maybe see a show, perhaps watch some bad tv and google weird things. If we have sex, bonus. But the reason you're on top is because I feel like even without sex it might end up being one of the best nights ever.

And that's it kids and kittens. See you next year.

In the Presence of Greatness

2009-09-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

You may not be a fan, you may even scoff, but to some of us, standing in the company of idols is still worth mentioning. And yesterday I finally got to stand mere feet away from one of my fave owners of skin, Milla Jovovich.

Yes, like most, I first became aware of her by looks alone. And then came the fantastic display known as the Fifth Element. But my final step of respect was taken when I heard her music.

So to all you naysayers out there, before you go all "gimme a break!" on me, check the stats and the full history before making judgement. And to Milla, hats off to you.

And just like that, the draught was over.

2008-08-16T09:40:00.001-07:00

Finally there is no doubt in the world's mind that Canadian Women KICK ASS. So we've finally found ourselves on the medal podium twice in the last 24 hours. Actually, three times to be more accurate, but twice for Women's Wrestling (one gold, one bronze). Kate and I were watching the ladies go at it last night and it was an exciting moment. I had no idea it would be so much fun to watch women greco-roman wrestling. Okay, I had an idea, but I'm talking more from am athletic standpoint. Turns out, Canadian woman are good at wrestling. Not that this surprises me...I've wrestled enough times (all in the past my broken arm assures you) and I've seen enough of my fellow female Canadians wrestle to know we apparently have a Thing for it. Turns that thing can translate into some Olympic gold. Way to go girls.

Shout out also to the men's rowing double that got us a silver.

HUYNH Carol - Gold - Wrestling Women's Freestyle 48kg
CALDER David, FRANDSEN Scott - Silver - Rowing Men's Pair
VERBEEK Tonya - Bronze - Wrestling Women's Freestyle 55 kg

Lookit her, doesn't she just bring a tear to your eye?

Day 5 Still No Love

2008-08-12T11:26:00.000-07:00

Day Five of the Olympics. Not One Medal. Togo has one. For Canoeing/Kayaking. I'm pretty sure we Should be beating TOGO at canoeing/kayaking, seeing as this is Supposed to be one of Our sports to win this year. Nope. I am a ball of Olympic annoyance. Micheal Phelps the American swimmer has more medals than we do all on his own. Thank God the Ukraine only has one bronze so far. Makes me feel a little better. Especially since I watched women's synchronized platform diving last night, and watched as the two Canadians went from Third place with two dives to go, to Fourth with one to go and then ended in Seventh. You can imagine how patriotic I felt at that moment. Just like you can imagine how sarcastic I'm being right now. My entire Olypics experience this year has been a lot of "it figures". I'm rooting for Mexico (who, by the by, got the bronze at said platform diving event...yay Mexico!).

Paola Espinosa and Tatiana Ortiz from Mexico take a bite at the Olympics for me.

I Miss 1984.

2008-08-10T10:06:00.000-07:00

Do you remember when Canada used to be a contender? So I'm an Olympics fan, always have been, probably always will be. During my 33 yrs. of life, I have gathered vast memories surrounding the Olympics. This year being the first year that I'm not working (and an adult) during the Olympics, I've had more time to watch than usual. I've also had the luxury of taking time to assess my memories surrounding the event.

Imagine my surprise when I realized that the time between my childhood and now has somewhat shifted my expectations of the Olympics, more specifically of Canada in the Olympics.

When I was a child I remember watching with baited breath as our swimmers cut lines through the water as the "Ones to watch" and our rowers dominated the field. Even our track and field competitors were feared. We actually had a team worth cheering for.

Slowly though, over the years, it seems that something left our summer Olympics program. Perhaps it was funding. Or a sudden drop in the talent pool. I don't know. What I do know is that I now watch the Olympics simply for a good time and not so much to cheer on my own team.

Did you know that this year we don't even have a women's gymnastics team? Unlike Brazil, Italy, or the Ukraine. When did the Ukraine start pumping out more athletic power than our much loved True North? 'Cause the Ukraine have only been in 3 summer Olympics as an Independent country. And all three times they scored 23 metals.

So what about the Ukraine? Perhaps they area good vehicle for comparison. Population wise they technically have about 15 million more people at their disposal, but still. I'd like to think what we lack in population , we should be able to make up for in our country's wealth. We are considered one of the wealthiest countries in the world, with a high per-capita income. The Ukraine is just getting over a market shift that plunged most of it's country into Poverty. And yet, it will be expected that they will outperform us this year. Again. Easily.

As I write this, I am currently watching the Olympics. Canada is getting trounced in water polo by the Spanish. It is day 3 and the magic of the internet has allowed me to lookup standings and info from not only the current Olympics, but Olympics past as well. (ps I love the internet). Knowing full well that the Olympics have ballooned to events I haven't even heard of, I thought perhaps I might have missed some moment of patriotic pride as we bagged our first metal in synchronized water baby juggling or something.

Turns out, we don't have a metal yet. Not one. 67 metals have been awarded already. Uzbekistan has one. Croatia has one. Italy has four. Canada, zilch. Thankfully, neither does the Ukraine.

So what do I want? I want 1984 back. In 1984 Alex Baumann made me cheer. Alot. Victor Davis helped him dominate the waters. We had cyclers, divers, even boxers who won medals. We left with 44. 44 medals. (In the last three summer Olympics put together we had 48, just to add perspective). Sure, it may have had something to do with the 15 or so eastern bloc countries (including the ever monstrous USSR - which at the time included our nemesis the Ukraine) that boycotted the games that year, but it felt good! I want 44 metals dammit! 1984 was a good year for us!

This year isn't looking so good. I've heard that we can expect some gold from our boated water sports teams and singles. I hope so. 'Cause I think it'll be a new low for us if we even come close to being skunked. In 2004 we got 12. Let's just hope we don't go down from there.

I guess in the end, it's not really about who wins or loses...until the upcoming Winter Olympic which are on home soil in Vancouver. 'Cause if we don't win and win big then, then I'm unofficially becoming a Ukrainian citizen...at least during the summers. Me and Alex Baumann.

Sure am Glad I Don't live in Iran...

2008-06-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

'Marry or be fired', Iranian state firm warns
Tue Jun 10, 3:59 AM

TEHRAN (AFP) - A major Iranian state-owned company has told its single employees to get married by September or face losing their jobs, the press reported on Tuesday.
ADVERTISEMENT

"One of the economic entities in the south of the country has asked its single employees to start creating a family," the hardline Kayhan daily reported.

The paper did not mention the name of the company but the reformist Etemad newspaper said that the firm is the Pars Special Economic Energy Zone Company -- which covers Iran's giant gas and petrochemical facilities on the shores of the Gulf.

"Unfortunately some of our colleagues did not fulfil their commitments and are still single," Etemad quoted the company's directive as saying.

"As being married is one of the criteria of employment, we are announcing for the last time that all the female and male colleagues have until September 21 to go ahead with this important and moral religious duty."

Sexual relations outside of marriage are illegal in Iran -- for the most part a traditional society where young people normally are encouraged by their families to marry in their 20s and swiftly bear children.

The country is also in the midst of an unprecedented moral crackdown which has seen tens of thousands of women warned by the police for dress deemed to be unIslamic.

The directive -- signed by the head of security of the "Pars Special Economic Energy Zone" -- also used some of sayings (hadith) of the Muslim Prophet Mohammed to encourage employees to marry.

It said employees' contracts will be annulled by October 22 if they are still found to be single.

The giant energy zone of refineries is located on Iran's southern coastal energy hub Assalouyeh where temperatures reach 50 Celsius (122 degrees Fahrenheit) in summer, hardly a place for families.

The workers are usually young males seeking to earn a good income and the decree appears aimed at making them marry to ensure they eschew sexual temptations during their stay away from home.

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THIS FIRST?

2008-05-30T13:49:00.000-07:00

"In April the Swiss watchmaker Romain Jerome (which last year created a watch made from remnants of the Titanic) introduced the "Day&Night" watch, which unfortunately does not provide a reading of the hour or the minute. Though it retails for about $300,000, it tells only whether it is "day" or "night" (using a complex measurement of the Earth's gravity). CEO Yvan Arpa said studies show that two-thirds of rich people "don't (use) their watch to tell what time it is" anyway. Anyone can buy a watch that tells time, he told a Reuters reporter, but only a "truly discerning customer" can buy one that doesn't. [Wall Street Journal, 4-25-08]"

You don't believe it? Here it is:

http://www.romainjerome.ch/en/les-inatendus/day-and-night-en.aspx

Is it weird that I want one?

I love R. Kelly - okay I can't even joke about that one...

2008-05-30T13:36:00.001-07:00

...but I can direct you to a great blog read on the guy. Check it out.

http://www.giantmag.com/content.php?cid=547

Sure it doesn't mention Kelly colouring his braids Gold, performing a 3 HOUR SET (40 songs, my friends...forty) during a SHARED concertin Chicago, or Kelly being quoted as saying"My greatest competition is, well, me . . . I’m the Ali of today. I’m the Marvin Gaye of today. I’m the Bob Marley of today. I’m the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now." Still, brilliant.

And for all those who missed out on Kelly performing chapters from his "trapped in the closet" saga, performing them Alone (he played ALL parts himself) on the VMAs a while back, you didn't miss much, but yes, it was as funny as it sounds...for about two minutes. Then I got bored and left to get something to eat.

I love Americans

2008-05-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

Dunkin' Donuts pulls ad featuring celeb chef Rachael Ray after complaints

BOSTON - Dunkin' Donuts has pulled an online advertisement featuring Rachael Ray after complaints that a fringed black-and-white scarf that the celebrity chef wore in the ad offers symbolic support for Muslim extremism and terrorism.

The coffee and baked goods chain said the ad that began appearing online May 7 was pulled over the past weekend because "the possibility of misperception detracted from its original intention to promote our iced coffee."

In the spot, Ray holds an iced coffee while standing in front of trees with pink blossoms.

Critics, including conservative commentator Michelle Malkin, complained that the scarf wrapped around her looked like a kaffiyeh, the traditional Arab headdress. Critics who fuelled online complaints about the ad in blogs say such scarves have come to symbolize Muslim extremism and terrorism.

The kaffiyeh, Malkin wrote in a column posted online last Friday, "has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad. Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos, the apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant (and not-so-ignorant) fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons."

A statement issued Wednesday by Canton, Mass.-based Dunkin' Brands Inc., however, said the scarf had a paisley design, and was selected by a stylist for the advertising shoot.

"Absolutely no symbolism was intended," the company said.

Dunkin' spokeswoman Michelle King said the ad appeared on the chain's website, as well as other commercial sites.

Amahl Bishara, an anthropology lecturer at the University of Chicago who specializes in media matters relating to the Middle East, said complaints about the scarf's use in the ad demonstrate misunderstandings of Arab culture and the multiple meanings that symbols can take on depending on someone's perspective.

"I think that a right-wing blogger making an association between a kaffiyeh and terrorism is just an example of how so much of the complexity of Arab culture has been reduced to a very narrow vision of the Arab world on the part of some people in the U.S.," Bishara said in a phone interview. "Kaffiyehs are worn every day on the street by Palestinians and other people in the Middle East - by people going to work, going to school, taking care of their families, and just trying to keep warm."

While some extremists and terrorists may wear kaffiyehs, "To reduce their meaning to support for terrorism has a tacit racist tone to it," Bishara said.

Malkin, in a posting following up on last week's column, said of Dunkin's decision to pull the ad, "It's refreshing to see an American company show sensitivity to the concerns of Americans opposed to Islamic jihad and its apologists."

Ray, host of the Food Network television program "30 Minute Meals" as well as a syndicated daytime talk show, began appearing in ads for Dunkin' Donuts in March 2007. When Dunkin' announced the partnership, it said Ray would be featured in TV, print, radio and online spots in a campaign running through 2010.

Hats off to Granny D.

2008-03-10T23:27:00.000-07:00

So now that I'm in my "night" phase of living, seeing as I'm not working (at least not on a schedule these days, I end up watching some obscure television (thank you full cable package...)

I was gonna come on here and and tell you about this 94-year old activist for campaign finance reform who ran for Senate. I was Gonna go on wikipedia and find a convenient quote that might aptly surmise this woman, since I was too lazy to think one up, and I figured my "surmisation" might require some wikipedia "fact"ry.

I was gonna tell you this because during one of my late night living room sit-ins, I discovered a nice little documentary revolving around her ill-fated run for Senate. Maybe it's 'cause I'm hormonal or maybe it's 'cause I'm watching tv by myself at two in the morning, but dang it I was inspired. I was gonna come on here and find a wikipedia quote then tell you how gosh darn inspiring this woman was and how the Republican dude she ran against came off like a total prick...

Turns out, I came into the movie a little closer to the end and missed a few things. 'Cause when I went t wikipedia, I found this:

"Doris Granny D Haddock (born Ethel Doris Rollins, January 24, 1910[1]) is an American politician and liberal political activist from the state of New Hampshire. Noted for her colorful character, warm personality, and advanced age, Haddock famously walked across the continental United States in 1999 to advocate campaign finance reform and in 2004 ran unsuccessfully as a Democratic challenger to incumbent Republican Judd Gregg for the U.S. Senate."

She walked across the frikkin' continental US. SHE WALKED ACROSS THE US. Her walk took over a year. She started from the Rose Bowl Tournament of Roses Parade in Pasadena. And then juuuust walked across the States, all for campaign Finance Reform.

And if that wasn't enough for you well she also campaigned, successfully, against planned hydrogen bomb nuclear testing in Alaska and saved an Inuit fishing village at Point Hope. (I do question the whole "planned" part of that statement...)

A couple of days ago Someone reminded me that I was, in fact, 33, not 32 like my brain had fooled me to believe. Sort of a crappy moment of realization that there. But now, I think I'm all right. I just have to get on that whole save a village or walk a nation thing. Anyone up for the task?

Hate Crime Shmate Crime...

2007-12-07T06:42:00.000-08:00

"WASHINGTON (AP) — Congress has dropped legislation that would have expanded laws against hate crimes to include attacks on gays after it became clear the measure wouldn't pass the House, aides said Thursday.
The bill, sponsored by Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., was widely supported by Democrats and some moderate Senate Republicans. But because it was attached to a major defense policy bill that would have authorized more money for the Iraq war, many anti-war Democrats said they would oppose it."

Nice. Good to know that the state of things only allows one of two choices:

1) if you think beating up Gay people is wrong, then say Yes to the hate crime bill...as well as yes to billions of dollars being given to the American Armed Forces...

OR

2) so What if Transgendered people are getting smacked down just 'cuz they're different, I Refuse to give that cash to the army.

American politics are fucked up...

...someone's looking pretty gaaaaayyyyy...

Are you For Real? Or just For Opt?

2007-11-08T11:42:00.001-08:00

So she said she was a realist. She said this moments after tellingus that the planets weren't aligned well and that we shouldn't sign any deals this month. I laughed, mocked, made fun of. And then she said laugh all you want, only until recently has the this school of thought been accepted as gospel. So is ignoring the validity of these beliefs actual progress?

The world Isn't flat, women Can vote, and science speaks louder than zodiac signs right? And yet how many of us read our "astrological" portraits and find ourselves saying "wow, that's me!".

So the argument now becomes, as we move forward with technology and progressive thoughts, are we leaving behind beliefs that we may just have use for still?

Discuss.

No, I'm not Dead...

2007-11-05T12:12:00.000-08:00

I'm back, I'm here, and I'm more than likely going to start adding more material in the coming months. I know I've been somewhat...lax...in my posting, but it is what it is, if you don't like it, go stuff it somewhere private...

Now, on to business. First brief, possibly the best album review I've ever read. It's that dude (I know his name, I just don't care enough to type it) from the Black Eyed Peas who put out a solo album. Now Toronto had This to say about it:

"Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas putting out an album called Songs About Girls is like Don Imus making a record called Songs About Black People. After all, this is the man responsible for My Humps, the Billboard stain that had your 13-year-old sister saying she was going to get you "love drunk off my hump." Will.i.am has to be one of the worst rappers of all time, a fact his solo album doesn't just confirm, but stamps in red. I can't even bring myself to retype any of the lyrics – rest assured there's plenty of content about making it bump and shaking your hump."

I don't often find myself agreeing with Any reviews from Now Toronto, seeing as the magazine, as much as I love it, tends to be a little refective of their hippy complaining nouveau art bullshit viewpoints...but This review brings them Riiiight back to a place I can listen to. Y'knowwhatImean?

Second, I kick ass. Just a little reminder to the Universe, in case it hasn't been said enough.

Talk to you soon.

Surgeons remove gallbladder through vagina

2007-09-17T13:28:00.000-07:00

By Andrew Stern

French surgeons took out a patient's gallbladder without cutting her abdomen, removing it through an incision in her vagina in what they said was a glimpse of the future of surgery, they reported on Monday.

The 30-year-old, whose gallstones necessitated the removal of the pear-shaped sac near her liver, recovered quickly with little pain from what the surgeons termed a "time-consuming and difficult" operation.

A team of surgeons in New York performed a similar operation a few days before. The procedure had previously been carried out only on animals, the French surgeons said.

The goal of natural orifice transluminal endoscopic surgery (NOTES) is to avoid the trauma of cutting through the heavily muscled abdominal wall, they said.

"Patients, both male and female, independent of age and body shape, dislike scars, not only for cosmetic reasons but because scars indicate they have undergone treatment because of illness," wrote Dr. Jacques Marescaux of University Louis Pasteur, in Strasbourg, who reported on the procedure in the journal Archives of Surgery.

The surgeons cut an incision inside the woman's vagina and utilized laparoscopic techniques employing a tiny instruments and a video camera to remove her gallbladder, a 4-inch-long (10 cm) sac that provides bile for digesting fat.

Laparoscopic surgery to remove gallbladders is common. Usually, four incisions are made in the abdomen, each 5 to 10 millimeters long, reducing recovery time and scarring. But this method poses an increased risk of damaging the bile duct, which can lead to infection.

In a critique published in the journal, John Hunter of Oregon Health & Science University in Portland wrote that the risk of bile duct injury in laparoscopic surgery was more than balanced by the benefits. But performing the operation through a single incision in the vagina made the operation that much more difficult.

Nevertheless, Hunter said the latest procedure brought the profession closer to the "goal of knifeless, bloodless surgery."

Surgeons occasionally perform gastric surgery through a patient's mouth, or colon surgery via the anus.

"Will NOTES generate a major paradigm shift in surgical care? We know that laparoscopic surgery is just the beginning of the minimally invasive evolution of surgery," Marescaux wrote.

Um.....ouch.

Oh the Lonely Days......

2007-08-21T10:05:00.000-07:00

So Kate, Kate my lovely Kate has gone for a week to canoe down some river in the land of North. When I mentioned this to my boss, his reply involved wondering why people would go to resorts and get served when their vacation could involve wearing the same clothes for a week and sitting on a canoe bench day after day. Yes he was being sarcastic.

And so I am left to my own devices. Even though my life does go on, it interests me to see how my daily grind changes merely from the lack of someone being around. For example I sleep in the middle of the bed. I eat take out food. I e-mail her, even though she's not there to read them. And my concept of time has changed slightly. I don't time things to match Kate's "awake" hours. It's only been four days, but whatever, right?

Four more sleeps and I'm back to my side of the bed. Which suits me just fine. I sleep better when someone is between me and the door...

Breast implants linked with suicide in study

2007-08-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

By Maggie Fox, Health and Science Editor Wed Aug 8, 7:10 PM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Women who get cosmetic breast implants are nearly three times as likely to commit suicide as other women, U.S. researchers reported on Wednesday.

The study, published in the Annals of Plastic Surgery, reinforces several others that have shown women who have breast enlargements have higher suicide risks.

Loren Lipworth of the Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Tennessee and colleagues followed up on 3,527 Swedish women who had cosmetic breast implant surgery between 1965 and 1993. They looked at death certificates to analyze causes of death among women with breast implants.

Only 24 of the women had committed suicide after an average of 19 years, but this worked out to triple the risk compared to the average population, they reported. Doctors who perform cosmetic breast surgery may want to monitor patients closely or screen them for suicide risk, Lipworth said.

"The increased risk of suicide was not apparent until 10 years after implantation," the researchers wrote.

Lipworth said she believes that some women who get implants may have psychiatric problems to start with, perhaps linked with lower self-esteem or body image disorders.

"I think we don't even know how big of a problem it is because we cannot even pinpoint what proportion of women have psychiatric disorders," Lipworth said in a telephone interview.

"There could be a whole lot of different disorders."

Women with breast implants also had a tripled risk of death from alcohol and drug use.

"Thus, at least 38 deaths (22 percent of all deaths) in this implant cohort were associated with suicide, psychological disorders and/or drug and alcohol abuse/dependence," the researchers wrote.

'NUFF SAID.

Still on the Low Down...

2007-07-10T22:33:00.000-07:00

...still not working, still getting a tan, still sleeping in, still (not) enjoying little to no internet access. Still only spending money on groceries, pot and beer, still spending an unusual time at my home...and liking it, and still not blogging as much as I'd like to, but what can you do. See you soon.

Happy Easter...and hello again...

2007-04-08T11:42:00.000-07:00

So I don't have much access to the whole internet thang...so this is all you get for now. A Happy Easter, a shout out to my Homies (yeah, word) and a pic. Enjoy!

Dude, there's a SWAT team in your Alley...

2007-02-21T07:24:00.000-08:00

Got a call from Christie, telling me to look out my back winmdow, into the alley behind my place. Saw these guys:

...walking around, with dogs, peaking into corners (and my truck). Turns out someone robbed a Brinks truck. Took 80 thou and a gun. How very industrious of them.

I'm off the internet for a while, but want to give my R.I.P.'s to the Revue Marquee and give my kudos to the Shins and the Bloc Party. Got the new albums. Highly Reccomended.

WORD!

In Other News...

2007-02-08T07:58:00.000-08:00

"Ted Haggard Says He Is Now "Completely Heterosexual"

A fellow minister says the Reverend Ted Haggard has come out of intense counseling, convinced he's "completely heterosexual."

Haggard resigned from the presidency of the National Association of Evangelicals last year after allegations of misconduct with a former male prostitute.

The Reverend Tim Ralph, who was one of four ministers monitoring Haggard's progress, says the disgraced minister insists his extramarital activities were limited to the one man. And Ralph tells The Denver Post no one else came forward to deny that.

In a weekend e-mail to church members, Haggard said he and his wife plan to pursue master's degrees in psychology. And they're considering moving to the Midwest."

Yeah, 'cause I heard the mid-west is where people go when they want to avoid Crystal Meth and Gay Prostitutes. I fucking love Christians. Almost as much as I love the French.

Why Kittens Rock

2007-02-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

'Nuff said.

Out Of Service

2007-01-24T07:02:00.000-08:00

Arm's broken. Thus these questions:

1) Ever broken any bones?

2) As far as Karma goes, what sort of karmic reward would be fair for say, a broken arm (your writing arm)? How 'bout a leg?

3) Ever broken someone else's bones?

4) If you could wish (and be granted) physical harm on any one person, would you do it? To whom?

5) What's the longest you've ever been sick (as in haven't left the home/bed/hospital)?

answers:

1) yes. right arm and right foot. viva la left!

2) well, I already got 41 CDs from the junos and got to be a juror, and Toronto Hydro overbilled me so now I have a credit. And I have a great girlfriend so I'm feeling pretty sated.

3) ran into a kid playing soccer in grade 6. his arm broke but good.

4) i don't like the idea of harming people. maybe like breaking a rapist's dick or something (is that too harsh?)

5) well broken bones aside, i did once have an ear infection for like a week. it was like having head spins 24/7. sucked balls.

Frikkin Frakkin...

2007-01-18T10:28:00.000-08:00

Okay so I broke my arm on New Year's and am just now getting around to signing in to blog. Fact of the matter is I'm in a large amount of discomfort and typing with my left hand sucks. However, I figured an update was about due (both here and on my Friday Five) so here it is.

Up until the arm breaking thing, New Year's was going swimmingly. And Kate has been the best nurse ever (even when I wake up at 4 a.m. crying in frustration over the full body rash that seems to have taken over my body...I aalmost wish for the hives to return...yes it's been lovely). The sponge baths aren't so bad either...ha, who am I kidding, as sexy as it sounds, sponge baths make you feel like an infant...which is Not sexy (at least not to me).

My thanks to all those who have been awesome to Lefty, with pain-killing gifts and offers of take out food. And of course to Kate...my lovely sweet helpful Kate. She's helped me dress and done my dishes and in all honesty deserves an award or a metal. Alas all I can offer is a one-armed hug and the promise to make it up to her once I am whole again....which I'm sure will mean a month of craft bazaars, massages and made-to-serve meals complete with apron and wine. Given with pleasure!

Merry Xxx-mas

2006-12-19T06:33:00.000-08:00

Okay, no ,this isn't an r-rated post. I jut like seeing triples x's. I've been super swamped with various purchasing endeavors and liver damaging outings. I'm bloated like a turkey from potluck food and a little scattered from list checking and re-checking. But so far so good. Working this week and then jump Right into Christmas. And that's that. So nothng really of interest to even type right now. but I'm sure I will inevitably be drawn back to the blog-o-sphere at some point this week, if not today. So perhaps at that time I shall be more prepared to write something of more substance...or at least of more entertainment value.

Word!

Happy Holidays

2006-12-15T12:47:00.001-08:00

....From My Friend Turner. Worth being shared. Enjoy!

Are You Ready? Gonna Rap Now...

2006-12-11T05:25:00.000-08:00

Alright there. If you haven't already looked at it, I insist you take a peek and answer some questions on my Friday Five. The link is on the side of the page, but if you're the type of folk who insists on cutting and pasting or some such ka-ka, then here's the site address: http://killerfive.blogspot.com. Do it. Do It. DO IT.

The season is upon us and I gotta say, this year, although perhaps better equipped, seems a llittle slower than usual.. By now i have usually attended several x-mas celebrations (and so far I've only attended one...) and by now I've usually kicked my liver a little more than I have this year. However, in a surprising turn of events, so far I've gotten lots and lots of sleep. I'm not complaining though. It has been my experience that any of these "moments" that start off slow usually end with a bang. New Years anyone?

That being said, I'm gonna end off today with my list of the top five things I'd like for Christmas:

TOP FIVE THINGS I'D LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS (as of today...I might change my mind tomorrow):

5) Trumpeters and Little Richard to announce me every time I enter a new room. That's right, Every Time. That should piss off Queen Justine...

4) Gold Bullion. I've said it before, and I'll continue to say it. Nothing says I Love You like Gold Bullion.

3) A Mercedes SLR McLaren (pictured below)...filled with Gold Bullion. If at first you don't succeed, try again.

2) The Solid Gold Dancers to perform at my birthday. I can totally wait for a gift until my brithday if it means my gift is the Solid Gold Dancers...if they could perhaps exit from a brand new McLaren that would be cool too. Like the coolest clown car ever....

1) World Peace. Or Domination....really, one would bring about the other so....(as long as the domination part came first and only by me...me....just me, not like some other guy who isn't me....me...except maybe David Bowie...he would be a super cool supremo World leader...)...

A Word To The Wise...

2006-12-01T13:34:00.000-08:00

No Matter Who you're dating
No Matter What the context
No Matter How Cool the people slash person you're talking to is
do yourself a favor

Never

Ever

Tell the Person you're Dating

That You've at Any Time in your life
(No Matter How Long Ago it was)

Received

a Pearl Necklace.

Lie if you have to.

No One Ever needs that visual.

Ever.

Friday Five

2006-12-01T06:48:00.000-08:00

It's sraining like shit out there (does shit rain?) so I'd rather be, well, not here. In that vain, here it is:

I'd rather be in Philadelphia!

1) It's late night, you're bored and have four hours to kill before you hafta go to sleep. You'd rather be in: An arcade. But a good one, like the old Playdium that used to be downtown. That place kicked so much ass that I heald one of my fave birthdays there. So sad to see it leave...

2) Now you have a weekend to kill. And unlimited cash: Vegas maybe? I mean, the shit you could do in Vegas with unlimited cash. Of course, I may not have a liver by the end of the weekend, but oh the memories...

3) Fine, cash might be an issue. You'd put yourself: In Tulum Mexico...here: www.cabanascopal.com Or maybe Thailand, except the whole weekend would be sucked up in travel.

4) You're going on Sabbbatical for a Year. Alone. To do Work. That Must get Finished (like a book or something...): wow. um. New York? Close enough for visits, and think of the inspiration.

5) Now it's you and four friends, say recording an album for 6 months...Work by Day, Party by Night: Oh my....I'm gonna go with Australia. Melbourne Australia. We speak the language, they have a gret music scene and it would be nice and waaaaarm.

Yay me!

Talk to you all soon...

Friday and a little Five

2006-11-24T14:54:00.000-08:00

Alright, so real quick, I'm on the prowl for another Friday Five...doing some shopping of sorts. There are a ton of sites offering Firday Five lists, and I may continue to do my own five, but i prefer that my own lists and such are done in a more random fashion. So I've decided that when i have a little more time, I'm gonna find a new Friday Five site to link to and pull from. I've looked at a couple already...very promising.

On another note, I'd like to put out there that I'm a huge supporter of the following: www.globalorgasm.org

It's a movement to have everyone in the world have a simultaneous orgasm 9as much as that's possible) on Dec. 22nd, in hopes of affecting global energy waves. Rock on. ny movement that asks me to get off is a movement I'm a fan of. Check it out, and participate, if possible.

So without further ado, here's my super quick Friday Five:

Guilty!

1) Guilty Pleasure when it comes to...Film: Bad Movies. I mean Really Really bad movies. I have a friendster profile and on it I mention that both the Lambda movies are among my favorite films. Part of me isn't joking. That shit is Entertaining!

2) Guilty Pleasure when it comes to...The Internet: Apart from porn? Blogs. All Blogs, especially those related to a) lesbians b) MTV teens c) ex-girlfriends and exes of current girlfriends. I love Blogs! Reading a snippet of someones life, especially if you have no idea what it would be like to be them, is awesome. I've often said I'd love to have the ability to be a fly on the wall of, like, bars and social venues of crowds that I would Never be around...you know, like bars in strip malls and such. Well Blogs are sort of like the electronic version of that shit. Except without invading privacy, 'cause if you're puttin git online, you gotta expect that someone might read it.

3) Guilty Pleasure when it comes to...Television: Reality TV. I know it's wrong, especially since it's Killing the industry I myself work for, but it's just so hard not to watch.

4) Guilty Pleasure when it come to...Food: Food? Not Liquids? 'Cause that would be all that is bad...beer, pop, caffeine. But for food, well, I guess lately it's been all that is sugar (thanks for that babe) especially cookies.

5) Guilty Pleasure when it comes to...Music: Fine! I Confess, yes I do know the words to more than One Backstreet Boys song. How can I not? They are just so damn Easy to remember, and so damn Easy to sing. Dammit!

And that is that! Have a good weekend all. And if you're out there...I know you're listening.

Focus!

2006-11-21T07:29:00.000-08:00

The following exerpt is taken from the "Focus on the Family" Website...with some minor edits from, well, me.

Why Christians Should Not Be Allowed to Marry

Many people, even Homosexuals, are confused by the arguments they are hearing today on the subject of Christian marriage. Superficially, what the advocates are saying may seem fair and logical. Scratch the surface, however, and you’ll find that their assertions don’t hold up.

This article contains some of the frequently asked questions and often-heard statements about this important issue, along with the answers that will help you in the debate. This is a cataclysmic social battle, and it will be with us for some time to come. No citizen can afford to sit this one out on the sidelines.

Q. Shouldn’t two people who love each other be allowed to commit themselves to one another?

A. Absolutely, and people do that all the time. But we don’t call it marriage. There are lots of loving commitments that are not marriage. Friends are committed to each other, a parent is committed to a child, grandparents to their grandchildren, and people are committed to their pets. All of these are forms of love. All of them result in commitments. None of them is marriage.

Q. What’s wrong with letting Christians marry?

A. No human society—not one—has ever tolerated “marriage” between extremely uncool people as a norm for family life. And that is what is at stake here, making “marriage” between devout Christians as normal as between Regular people. It is saying that neither arrangement is any better than the other.

This public meaning of marriage is not something that each new generation is free to redefine. Marriage is defined by the people—and a wise society will protect themselves from the unstylish and the simple-minded. Marriage and child-rearing is the way our culture promotes survival of the fittest, provides a way for poeple to build a regular life together, through awareness and consumerism, and assures every child has parents that aren't religious freaks.

Q. Christians can’t have Normal children, but many other couples can’t as well. Why do we let Them marry?

A. This is the exception and not the rule. Many of these childless couples adopt, and their adoptive children receive the benefits of Normal Primetime television watching parents this way. It is impossible for a Christian couple to bestow that benefit—since Christians only watch CTS and CNB.

Q. Isn’t it true that what kids need most are loving parents, regardless of whether or not they have taste, rhythm or any fashion sense?

A. No. A child needs style. A wealth of research over the past 30 years has shown us this. (However, Christian marriage and parenting intentionally deprive children of any sense of trends and fashion.) The most loving Christian mother in the world cannot teach a little boy how to dress so he won't be made fun of at school. Likewise, the most loving Chrstian man cannot teach a little girl how to shop at the cool stores. A gay man can teach his kids how to accesorize. A lesbian can teach her kids how to drive stick or build chic furniture. Is love enough to help two Christians guide their daughter through taunting and ridicule at school for being that "freak" who listens to "Christian Rock" and tells the other kids that sex is wrong? Like a cool gay dad, they cannot comfort her by sharing their first experience of knowing you're the best dressed bitch in the room. Little boys and girls need the loving daily influence of stylish, swank parents to become who they are meant to be, without the sticks and stones of mockery.

Q. Isn’t that cruel?

A. That’s only because of the times in which we live. Our society prizes what seems cool, more than what is "nice". Children truly need to not be raised by dinks, lest they become dinks themselves. It is cruel to intentionally deny them this. The research supporting this is both substantial and unequivocal!

Q. What about Christians who are too old to have children, even adopted ones? We should let them marry.

A. Of course we shouldn't allow older Christians to marry. The reason for supporting the institution of normal marriage is not rooted only in childrearing. Attractive men and women were made for each other, and the State has a compelling interest in supporting it — attractive and stylish children are simply an added bonus.

Q. But isn’t it better for a child to grow up with two loving Christian parents and be forced to watch Growing Pains and the 700 club than to, say, die?

A. You’re comparing the worst of one situation (sock and sandal wearing parents) with death. It's close, but it's still apples and oranges.

Q. Apart from the issue of children, don’t Christians have the same legal right to marry that Well-Liked people do?

A. All people have the same right to marry, as long as they abide by the laws of nature. You cannot marry if you’re boring, you cannot marry if you wear an enormous amount of wool, you cannot inbreed, and you should never marry someone who listens to Pat Robertson. Let’s be clear, everyone has access to marriage as long as they meet the requirements. This is not about access to marriage. It‘s about saving us from another dull repressed family on the block that you have to avoid inviting to your parties, lest they try to start a game of Charades.

Q. But Normal people can marry. Why shouldn’t Christians be allowed to marry?

A. Then nature itself is intolerant. Marriage has not been “imposed” upon culture by some "cool" institution or "popular" power from which it needs to be “set free.” It was established by the people, and their tastes, and is enforced by natural selection. Christians tend to be, well, lower on the evolutionary totem pole. And as such, we should start looking to weed them out of the gene pool altogether.

Here’s what is intolerant. Christian “marriage” is being forced upon us by a small, but elite, group of individuals dressed in polyester and tweed—judges—who say that thousands of years of human history have simply been wrong. They think they can change how we view them. That is a very ingorant notion that will bring great harm to our culture.

Save our towns, and the poor children, from allowing people like this to get married.

In Another Life...

2006-11-21T07:17:00.000-08:00

...In Another Life, I would like to come back and have Jon Stewart and Tina Fey be my parents. I don't care that they aren't married to each other, this is my fantasy world and in it they are in love and raising me to rule the world with fairness, intelligence and pure comedic timing.

Thank You.

Hiatus Friday Five

2006-11-17T12:04:00.000-08:00

It's that time of week, and even though I am officially on hiatus from work, I've wealesed my way to a computer and am prepared to my Five (not so) Random Questions:

Music Does In Fact Make The World Go Round

1) Name a Band That Deserves to Run the World: Does it Have to be a band? Or can it just be one person. 'Cause if I could pick one guy, it would be David Bowie. But if it was going to be a entire band, I'd probably go with either Broken Social Scene (minus all the in-fighting) or all the members of the Police.

2) If You Could Remove a Band From Music History it would be: Simple Plan. I mean, I know it might be better to go back and stop the root of a problem by chopping off some band that was the originator of it being okay to suck and still make millions, but no matter where my brain goes, it always ends up back at a glaring tacky super bright ugly ass obnoxious yellow neon sign that says "Simple Plan". Someone please make their career end.

3) You Have the Option to Become a Member of a Band. Skills aside, Who would you join? Wow. So I have the option to become a Contributing member of one of my fave bands? That, my good friend, is pretty close to Heaven for me...So who would it be? Who consistently puts out good music and continues to make it seem like I might want to spend lots and lots of time with them? Wow. Um...I would say Broken Social Scene except (yes, I said it already) for all the in-fighting. And yes I'm more than aware that if I chose them I would get to hang out with Emily Haines, but maybe it's best if I just get to keep the dream alive and not ruin it with reality. So I'm going to say Zero 7. They continue to put out excellent records and they seem pretty open to trying new things. And they travel alot. And they kinda kick ass, so.....
Honourable mention: MSTRKRFT. Like the Canadian Zero 7. And sometimes they hang out with Emily Haines.

4) Band on Band Arena Brawl. Name the Two Bands: Simple Plan and the Sex Pistols. 'Cause I would pay to see Johnny Rotten and Sid Vicous kick the crap out of Simple Plan.

5) You can name Two Rockstar Godparents to Your Children. One Male, One Female: Well, I would have picked David Bowie, but I'll probably outlive him. So I'm basing this on who could care for my kids if I died and had no family. And I want my kids to have options, so I'm gonna pick Alanis Morrisette and Mos Def. Mainly 'cause I think they are both upstanding individuals and Mos Def is playing in the background.

And that's it!

On another note, a while back i made a list of five couples I thought rocked celebrity-dom....I competely left out the best couple ever to grace Hollywood, Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito. Married 25 years, they are a pillar of everything Not Hollywood And Successful. Word!

Friday!

2006-11-10T07:11:00.000-08:00

Yet again, checked out the Friday Five and it was really really similar to a Firday Five I did in May....I mean come on, it hasn't even been seven months and you can't think of new questions?

So then let's move on.

In homage to the Americans Midterm Elections, A political Five (i guess not so) Random Questions:

I Approve This Message!

1) If offered the oppurtunity, with all expenses covered, would you run for political office? Yes. Even though in my current life position I hardly possess the criteria necessary to run for any kind of political office (at least without being laughed out of the debating arena), the idea of running for politics fascinates me. Like most people, I hold the belief that "I could do it better". I know I have no real idea of what is involved in holding a position of actual political power, but i would totally be up for giving it a shot.

2) Would you run for Mayor? Premier? Prime Minister? Or President? Mayor sounds cool, but not big enough for me. I want to affect laws and future societies....and President is waaaay too much hot water for me. So Prime Minister Please.

3) What would be your platform (or the platform you would support if you're not running)? Well, I guess I'm as lefty as it comes. I would legalize gay marriage, legalize pot, while making the producing and selling of pot entirely a governemnt run operation. (and even thoug it's not my place I would also push our big cities to move the last call back to 4 a.m. and use the additional liquor tax money gained help fund tourism). i would cut military spending ('cause really, our military sucks...we couldn't hold off Mexico if they decided to take us over) and boost funding for medicinal research and environmental causes and awareness. I would tax large corporations and environment tax. And I would sign the Kyoto Protocol.

4) As a leader, who would you model yourself after? Winston Churchill.

5) As a nation, who impresses you the most? I love Canada. But if I had to look outside of us (and based on my limited knowledge of other countries politics and such), I'd probably look at places like the Netherlands, and maybe Spain. (Truth be told, I simply looked up places that had legalized same sex marriage. I figured that would be a good sign of progressive thinking in government...Netherlands and Spain popped up. And I've heard some good things about the Netherlands so....).

And that brings us to the end of this weeks politically slanted list of questions. Word!

Have a good Weekend!

Another of My Own Friday Fives...

2006-11-03T06:29:00.000-08:00

...since the other Friday Five sucks Balls (it was something to the effect of describe your home, did you have trouble waking up this morning, blah blah blah, crap crap crap...). Balls!

So in light of my previous post invovling people doing good things (and also in light of me seeing Borat last night), I'm gonna pick my five questions accordingly:

Where?

1) If you could own a country, which one would it be? Wow, good question. I mean, my heart is with Canada, but think of the possibilites. I could take over a third world country and try to fix it, or I could just do what I wanna do and move over to Europe...except owning and running a country is a lot of work so it's gonna have to be one that seems pretty easy to run. I've always liked Spain and they have a pretty liberal view of gay stuff and they do seem to stay out of political hot water for the most part so....Dave suggested a small island which doesn't necessarily seem like a bad idea. Like the Dominican Republic. Or Cuba. Except hurricane season really makes me rethink that...Mitch suggested Uruguay. Which also seems like a good idea....the mountains, the climate....Decisions, decisions...I'm gonna say Costa Rica. It's called the Switzerland of the Americas, I know of countless people who move down there for months at a time due ot it's lovely secenery and peaceful nature and the climate is excellent. So why the hell not? I'll make Costa Rica the New Gay Paradise. The marketing for tourism would be awesome!

2) If you could force two countries to co-exist Without any violence (let's pretend the populations are equal and each person gets an electrical shock if they try to hurt someone) which two would you choose? Easy for one....the States...and who would I make them learn about....Indonesia.....yeah! I'm so gonna put good 'ol Tex in the same room with some guy from one of the smaller islands who Actually Has to hunt and kill his own food with his bare hands (not to mention that Indonesia is the most populous Muslim-majority nation). Talk about expanding some minds! Good luck Tex!

3) Currently some of the richest countries in the world are Luxembourg, the United States and Japan. Turn the tables and pick three countries to strike it rich. They are: Canada, Ethiopia (one of the poorest African countries and also the one with the biggest population, so hopefully this could stimulate the entire surrounding African region...), and...let's say....New Zealand. Last time I checked, they didn't start any wars...

4) North America is sinking! And you need to move to a new country. Where would you go? (assuming most countries are accepting our sorry asses): I've always wanted to live in Spain. but what would I do for work? I don't even speak the language. And I also hafta assume that my friends and family will have to fend for themselves and that Kate would be coming with me....I'm probably going to say (don't kill me Kate) Australia. They have a film industry, english is their main language and apparently the weather's beautiful...Of course, if I wasn't worried about my job, I'd probably pick Spain...or Costa Rica...

5) Take one country, any country, right off the planet. As if it never existed (and yes it Sounds alot like Genocide, but we're talking about a hypothetical game, not wiping out an entire race with bloodshed...): Well Germany certainly hurt alot of people. And Italy before them....or England. But I'm talking today, as of right now. And as much as I may detest how the Americans view the rest of the world I'm still somewhat glad that it is Them who won the cold war and not the Russians. So if, as of today, I Had to make a country disappear?...wow....there really is no way for this not to seem offensive. For purely peaceful reasons, I'm gonna say Afghanistan. Or North Korea. But probably Afghanistan.

Tough questions, and certainly took a while for me to answer them. But it did make me look at a map a whole lot harder. Wow, now that I'm done thinking, I'm gonna go watch somethign on You Tube. Later!

Wanna Save the World, Come up With an Idea Like This

2006-11-01T11:04:00.000-08:00

So I was watching PBS last night (what can I say? I don't have cable and my girlfriends an intellectual hippie...) and on Global Frontline they were doing a story about a couple from San Fransisco who started a micro-lending website to help small entrepreneurs from third world countries. When you get a chance, check it out: http://www.kiva.org , 'cause this is the shit that's really gonna help level out the world...

Toodles!

Son Of A....

2006-10-28T06:28:00.000-07:00

Listen, I've been trying to blog now for like a week. At first I was convinced it was My crappy internet connection at work, but have since learned (as it is a Saturday and no one is here and my internet is working a-okay...) that Blogger's server ain't all it's cracked up to be and thus one blog per week...if I'm lucky and patient (took about ten minutes total for me to get to This page...).

So what have I missed?

Two Friday Fives...although they both kinda sucked so I'm not even gonna bother. I will however, stick to my original plan of creating My Own list of Five...so there:

Who?

1) If you could be born as someone of the opposite sex, who would you want to look like? Wow. Good question. I've often said that if i had to be a man, and could choose what I looked like, I'd probably pick David Beckham. That guy Looks good in Anything! Him or D'Angelo...

2) If you could have someone's job, who's would it be? Another excellent question. Do i want to change the world? Do I want to fulfill my own selfish needs and take over for Spielberg? Or do i just want to take the oppurtunity to do something cool? I'm gonna go with coolness...and Joan Lunden circa 1997. (Wha? Joan Lunden? You crack smoking, paint chip eatin'...) Hear me out...between 1996 and 2001 Joan Lunden was th ost of a show called "Behind Closed Doors". It was this show where Joan Lunden got to go and visit slash participate in odd and super cool jobs...like going through an FBI firing range, trying out ot be an astronaut, getting rides in various super cool vehicles by such outfits as Coast Guards, Air Force, etc. Justine and I used to watch the show and we swore that Joan Lunden had just landed the Coolest Job Ever. And I'm sticking by that opinion.

3) If you could have One Superhero's Super Powers, whose would it be? See, Friday Fives can only Dream about being this interesting...super powers, super powers....well I'm tempted to pick someone who has like a Bunch of superpowers, like Superman or....Superman...coem to think of it, unless I was some super cosmically awesome comic book hero, like the Silver Surfer, or Phoenix...actually, I think that sounds pretty frikkin' good. I'm picking the Silver Surfer...powers, Not life. Marvel heroes have always been way more complex than DC (Yes, I'm that much of a nerd! Shut Up!).

4) If you could marry someone else's spouse, whose would it be? Spouse? Hmmmm. Never thought of that. The lame duck of the question group I think, but can't complain....escpecially since i made them up...okay, well, I really dig Diane Lane, And Josh Brolin is married to her sooooo.....Josh Brolin!

5) If you could switch places and live someone else's life it would be:...Rock On.....Um....Do I have to look like them, or can I look like myself, 'cause then I'd pick...Sir Richard Branson. That guy rocks! And he does some really really cool rockstar stuff, and he could totally do whatver he prety much fancied at that moment....including even becoming a rock star or funding his own film. So i could do what I wanted!

Done and DONE!

Feel free to add you own answers if you like....

Woo HOO! Happy Halloween!

Friday Crap

2006-10-13T12:19:00.000-07:00

Its all local

1. The time: This Friday Five Sucks

2. The weather: Seriously. Just what is the purpose of answering these questions?

3. The big news story: I mean, is it about provoking thought, 'cause I'm pretty sure the "time", "weather" and "biggest news story" aren't gonna do it, unless I get to actually discuss any of these things. So like, the North Korea thing...I could talk about that, but the question isn't "What do you Think of...", it's just "What is...". Lame.

4. Your favorite hangout: Maybe it's time for a regime change. A coup, if you will. Maybe a nice Friday Five round table of sorts. My suggestion, if you have five questions that might very well be interesting to answer and/or read, then please, feel free to either e-mail them or leave them in my comments. And then I will anser them, and maybe even pass them on to thoe I know who also answer these wonderful five-ish type lists. So, Kate.

5. The must-have accessory: iPod. I mean, come on.

have a good weekend!

Stuff

2006-10-12T13:38:00.000-07:00

Politics, the Christian Right, procrastinating web surfing and maybe a little too much Daily Show and this is what makes me laugh. Enjoy:

And this...

(courtesy of www.sweetjesusihatebilloreilly.com) BOOYA!

Addendum

2006-10-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

Amen.

Can You Say...Heaven?

2006-10-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

Guess where I'm goin' tonight....oh yeah baby....goin' to see:

Oh yeah. oh yeaaaahhhhh.

Alt Punk Chicks doing a burlesque show, in a place that serves beer, with my super sexual girlfriend...this might, just might be my idea of heaven. Or at the very least, a nice belated birthday gift to myself....Woo Hoo!

I Love Republicans...

2006-10-11T15:39:00.000-07:00

Two quick things here. First off, let me just say that I don't hate all Americans...or Republicans for that matter. No, I love them. In That "Jesus forgives everyone" kinda way (when he's not off being a mean drunk). But sometimes, I get terribly terribly amused slash annoyed at the ridiculous...things?...statements?....state of events?...south of the border.

So I'm listening to the news this morning and I hear that there have apparently been 25 shootings in schools already in this school year. And Americans are Up In Arms over this. I mean have there even been 25 school days yet? No one knows how to stop this, or what the next best step is to help keep their schools secure. Ideas are being thrown around...tougher security in schools, arming teachers, tougher sentencing on gun related offences...

Not once did I hear the mention of tougher gun control laws. Like that isn't even an option. 30,136 people died in the states in 2003 in gun related instances. But that didn't seem to phase the whole "but it's in our Constitution" crowd. And now, 25 shootings in less than a month of school. I guess us stupid non-Americans will never have the pleasure of saying that Americans don't ever overlook the obvious. If this wasn't a topic relating to a bunch of kids dying, then I'd say it would be laughable.

(Side Note: for all you "it's in the Constitution" dumbasses, I'd like to remind you that the Constitution was written back when women were chattle and men had to shoot "those darn injuns" off their land before they "raped their chilluns and cows". I'm pretty sure, I mean I may, just may, be wrong here, but I'm pretty sure that since then the United States has organized a...what is it called? Right! Police Force. And um, an Ar...My. But I guess it's better if we just arm everyone...I mean it Is their Right you know...and let the bullets land where they may...)

Second best thing I've heard today. Bill O'Reilly saying "the reason North Korea is causing trouble is that it wants to influence the November election. As we discussed last week, Iran's doing the same thing in Iraq -- ramping up the violence so Americans will turn against the Bush administration."

Yeah, that's it, North Koreans have developed, and tested, Nuclear Weapons for the sole purpose of getting George Bush out of office. I believe that would officially be taking a hobby too far.

I used to think Bill O'Reilly was just a dink. Now I think he's a retarded dink. Seriously.

Friday Five Before Michigan

2006-10-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

Mush

1) Name one of your bad habits:
Well, I'm pretty much chronically late. Or as Kate puts it, "is that in Real time, or Lenita time?". So even though I say it will take me fifteen minutes to get ready (which I truly truly believe it will take), it usually ends up being closer to...a half hour?

2) What do you expect from friends?
Respect. And don't argue with me about music. Friendly debate though, That I welcome.

3) What is the last thing you wrote down?
You mean other than this?

4) What is the last favor you did for someone else?
I do everyone a favor when I hang out with them...HAHAHA...okay I'm kidding. I don't know...gave someone a lift? Lifted something heavy for someone? Didn't kick them in the teeth when they made fun of me?

5) What is your favorite TV show?
Right now I most look forward to Studio 60 (please watch it...it's goooood) and (blush) Survivor...

Heading to Michigan this weekend, to visit the older brother and his brood. Looking forward to the road trip, with my bro and my baby by my side. We'll arm the troops, rally the masses, cut through the country side and lick freedom. Maybe hit some Americn stores, some American food places, maybe go buy some American beer in an American grocery store (at least That they got right). The long arm of complacency can't get me now, I'm hittin' the road!

Anoter Week, Another Year Older

2006-10-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

So Festivus has come to an end. Good times were had, some yelling was done, certain memories were blocked (by choice and not...) and for the most part, it was all smiles. In the end, I am left with:

- Vague memories of having good, albeit short, conversations with a bunch of my friends
- A sense that time really does fly when you're having fun...I honestly feel like the party portion happened in ten mintues
- A new tattoo, my best work so far, and a excellent birthday gift from my beloved
- the yearning to rewind time and try Saturday out again so that i could talk to More people before they left
- About four extra pounds of beer floating around in my body

I guess I was so looking forward to the weekend, that once it was there, and then gone, I really did get a sense of loss, like I would have to wait another year for this brilliant opputrtunity, with all my friends, in one place, dancing and having a good time, to happen again.

So if someone could just hurry up and have another birthday, but invite all my friends to it, that would be awesome. Anyone?

P.S. Shouts out to those who made it happen, and to those who travelled to attend. Kate, thanks for tending to me all weekend, and Sarah, happy frikkin' 30th biatch!

Festivus Friday Five!

2006-09-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

Broken.

1. What's the last thing you broke?
Who cares! It's Festivus!

2. What's the most expensive thing you've broken?
My Diamond Festivus Thingy. Okay I'm lying, but that's 'cause it's Festivus and I can!

3. Do you consider yourself clumsy or graceful?
I dance (during Festivus celebrations) like a swan, while Crackin' Skulls Festivus Style!

4. How much money do you have in your wallet right now?
Alot! Why? 'Cause it's Festivus and i Need It! For my Festivus Tattoo!

5. Someone asks for change while you're walking down the street -- what do you do?
When it's Festivus? Whatever I want!

IT'S FESTIVUS!!!!!

2006-09-27T06:26:00.001-07:00

Did I mention it's Festivus? Seven days of celebration. Seven days of remembering the best day ever, the day i was brought into this world. So raise a glass! Or three! Or eight! And let's kick it off Festivus style! 'Cause if you can't celebrate your own birth...well there' always Christmas.

Twiddle twiddle twiddle

2006-09-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

So it's a Saturday, and I'm at work, slightly bored, slightly itchy, slightly wishing I Was at home, stoned, maybe playing video games, maybe cleaning my apartment. My boss called me in today, mainly so that I could grab an extra day of cash on my next paycheck. Kind fellow that he is. He was here earlier, but then left to do, well, things. Leaving me to my own devices....which essentially means sitting here, doin' a whole lot of nothing.

I've already spent a couple of hours mucking around with Garageband. It's just so tedious to get my ideas out with this program...in an ideal world, I'd have some awesomelly trained studio musicians who I could just hum stuff to and get them to play it. With garage band, by the time I've fixed just One track, I forget where I wanted the song to go in the first place. Ah well...I still consider it time well spent...

But with the tedium growing old, I find myself staring at things alot. Or googling "bored" and finding the cartoon above. I've read the blogs, I've typed some e-mail, and now? Now I waste a hour thinking about lunch and waiting to hear from my illustrious leader.

Tonight I'm going to a BBQ at one of Kate's friends houses. I've already been told to be on my best behaviour. Which is a total buzzkill (kidding sweetie...I love behaving). Should be alright. And then after, it's off to a gathering of kind folk at Not My Dog. Really, this night could be a good time all around. Hopefully so. 'Cause I'm clinging to the idea that this day will pick up momentum soon....please......

In the meantime...about that lunch thing............

Friday Five

2006-09-22T07:05:00.000-07:00

Just the facts, ma'am

1. Where were you last night?
......heh heh heh......

2. Did you speak with anyone?
yes, there was some talking involved...

3. What were you wearing?
......heh heh heh......

4. What did you eat or drink?
eat? heh heh heh...okay there was some frozen pizzas at one point, and some cookies...and then a couple of beers....

5. Can anyone verify your whereabouts from midnight to 5am?
yes.

That was my answer....sometimes I read other poeple's answers on the Actual friday Five site. Came across this guy's (http://blackpaladin.livejournal.com/) answer, it made me giggle, so now I share with you:

1. Where were you last night?
Nowhere special...

2. Did you speak with anyone?
Why, what have you heard?

3. What were you wearing?
I swear, officer, she said she was 18...

4. What did you eat or drink?
I had a drink of something a man in an alley gave me. It was marked "Formula HJ-7;" is that bad??

5. Can anyone verify your whereabouts from midnight to 5am?
Do the voices in my head count... they told me if I put the pretty girl in the box she'd stay mine forever...

giggle giggle giggle <- that's me giggling btw...

right then.

Playing poker tonight, very excited. And then some BBQing and hopefully dancing tomorrow. And then next week, the celebration of the nation!!!!....birthday styyyyyle....let the Festivus Begin!

This is Emily-Kate

2006-09-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

Lookit her...all happy with her two ice cream cones. She'd eat 'em both too, if you let her. Smiley puss. Happy face. Sugar monster. Lovely ain't she?

Boys Night Out...Girls Sleep In

2006-09-18T06:49:00.000-07:00

So we had one of our infamous (to me at least) boys nights out on Saturday. Started nicely, with drinks at my place. had the lovely Raquel and her husband over and then the girls slash "my boys" showed up and we "prepped" for the main event. Unfortunately the "prepping" had us leaving my place at minutes before midnight.

Got to the Drake for like 12:45, after a lovely stroll through the back alleys of Parkdale...they should do tours through there; we ended up passing a guy throwing up (being held up by his friends...one of which I recognized from work), an angry drug deal, and exited the alley amidst some street dregs, a couple of which Justine was so nice as to give the remnants of our travelling beers. I think they were happy about it...wasn't really paying attention.

So we get to the Drake, and we have to line up for the 1:00 am opening of the underground. Somehow, after waiting maybe fifteen minutes, one of us talks to the door guy and the five of us are lead through the line up and in the club. Once again, wasn't paying attention so I have no idea how that happened. I guess I Did end up being more of a tourist that night, since I obviously was not focusing on actions and reactions around me.

Once in, we got beers (and one rye and coke for my babe) and dacned our little shtukasses off (pronounced sh-took-us). Justine quickly made friends with a bunch of strangers, some bald drunk guy hovered and tried some oh so subtle dance with me moves on some of our girls, Kelly got offered some tongue action (but not by her not present girl...way to go Hearnsie) and I danced with my girl and kept the beer flowing into my belly.

At 4:30, the club kicked us out and we were invited to continue at one of Justine's new friends crash pad (he was from L.A. and staying with friends...who I'm sure would have been so happy to learn he had invited, like, ten strangers to their home). But alas, I was promised and Had promised some nookie, so the girls slash "my boys" went their way, and I took my lady home for some interactive cuddling.

Fell asleep as the skies turned light blue and the birds began their morning rants.

All in all, not a bad night. Very grateful for plans not broken, and happy to be dancing with friends and Kate. And once again I got to remind myself that age ain't nothing but a number baby....(of course I Did sleep in until arooouuuund 4 in the afternoon).

Two weeks, and it all repeats itself, except it'll be called Turner and Lenita's Birthday!

Woo hoo!

Friday Five

2006-09-15T07:33:00.000-07:00

It's like candy, but with blood. Which is so much better!

1. How much TV do you watch?
Lots. And lots and lots and lots. I love it love it love it. I plan schedules around it.

2. What type of show is your favorite?
Do I have to pick one? Can't I just say drama slash reality TV slash comedy slash HBO Showtime awesomeness?

3. Which talk show host do you hate?
Dr. Phil. Self Righteous Bastard.

4. Are you looking forward to any new season premieres?
Are you Kidding? All of them! Survivor last was awesome. The Apprentice and Amazing Race, My Name is Earl, a bunch of the new ones, like Shark, or Brother and Sisters, or Studio 60 for sure. And once I get a schedule set up, then that will detrmine which ones I keep watching.

5. Which show is your guilty pleasure?
Are you Kidding? All of them! It's TV for the love of...It's Never time Well Spent.

Have a Good Weekend, and welcome to the Fall Season!

What the HELL!

2006-09-11T14:18:00.000-07:00

Just got word that Carolyn Kepcher is being replaced! Who is Carolyn Kepcher you may be asking?

Only the best damn thing about the Apprentice. Apparently "The Donald" is replacing her with his own daughter. You know, nepotism aside, I've seen his daughter in action, and she ain't no Carolyn. Heck, she's barely a robot with a pulse.

So this is the worst TV news I've heard since the whole Arrested Development not being picked up thing. Curse you Donald!

Carolyn, I'll miss ya...

FYI Section

Top 5 TV Tragedies

5) Carolyn being replaced - See Above

4) The Last Family Ties - Watching Alex hug everyone good-bye, knowing there would be no more anagrammed executive items, and no more career for Tina Yothers, well it was enough to make me cry.

3) Arrested Development No Longer - What the hell is wrong with the world when Full House can last 8 seasons (8 SEASONS!), and Arrested Development, the best written comedy in years (honourable mention going to My Name is Earl), can't make it to the end of it's third.

2) Mention of Detective Benson's "boyfriends" - Law and Order SVU has always been my fave Law and Order. No doubt. But the day that I watched it high and started noticing slash imagining that Detective Olivia Benson was a gaymo, it got super better. The next fourteen times I watched it, I had myself, and my roommates, convinced that they were making her into a lesbian - with the overly protective stance she took towards female victims, the way she looks at the asst. D.A, especially when she was saying good-bye to the one who went into the witness protection program (they might as well have made out), and the weird "jealousy" sub-plot they had with the Mary Stuart Masterson guest role, she was totally on her way to being outed...until they decided to have Elliott casually "mention" her boyfriends. And then they went and gave her actual guy love interests! Way to ruin a good fantasy....

1) All Joss Whedon shows being pulled or ended and therefore off the air - I know this technically counts as three injustices, since there were three different shows, but really, Joss is an enigma (so much so that all his fans seem to always refer to him by first name...liek he's your pal) and all his items should be lumped into one "Jossverse"...that for some reason is no longer on TV. Big mistake TV universe. His shows actually contained something that 98% of shows on regular cable lack these days - substance. And without sacrificing entertainment value. Let's see the Tanners pull that off, oh, ever.

My TV emotions cry for all these TV tragedies....ohp, time to pee, commercial break.

See This Movie...

2006-09-11T06:37:00.000-07:00

Went to see some film fest movies this weekend. Friday saw a cool Finnish-Chinese-Estonian film called JADE WARRIOR. Worth the watch, nicely shot but left a bunch of questions unanswered in my head. I liked it, good pick all around. But then Saturday, I went and saw...

SUMMERCAMP!

A documentary about kids at summercamp. I laughed, I cried, and I left feeling like a million bucks. See this film. Hands down, no doubt about it.

P.S. Also saw Rogue Wave perform at Lee's Palace. Also worth the ticket price. Good show, good sound, see them if you get the chance. Honourable mention to the openers, Foreign Born and The Grate. And also to my girl, for being an excellent date. All in all a pleasurable and sensoraly pleasing weekend.

Friday Five

2006-09-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

Doused in mud

1. When is the last time you dressed inappropriately for a situation?
Everyday. My everyday uniform usually consist of jeans and a shirt that I've ripped the sleeves off of. Now you tell me, other than on a stage worn by a rockstar, were is this sort of attire appropriate? (and yes I am a rock star in waiting)

2. How many friends do you have?
None. But lots and lots of enemies and I keep them veeeerrrrryyyyy close.

3. Are you running on time today?
No.

4. Do you use bleach on your laundry?
No.

5. What are your thoughts on guns?
I would like to shoot some someday (beyond the .22 rifles I used to shoot as a girl guide). But all in all, I think the world would probably be a much better place if all firearms and explosive projectile weaponry was eliminated. Let's bring it back old school, when men fought with swords and stormed castles. YA!

And that brings me into the weekend. Going to see some film fest films, and a concert. Maybe I'll run into you, any of you "friends" of mine. I'm on to you, all of you. Moo-ah ha ha ha!....I sleep with one eye open. Like this guy...

Let's go to the Ex - hibition of Trash!

2006-09-05T05:49:00.000-07:00

So went to the CNE this weekend. Good times all around. Did you know that people actually make sculptures out of butter? Who knew?

i'm always amazed by the Ex. It's like the haven for everything trashy...like a super-sized version of the "Wel-Fair". And yet it's packed! Packed! Not just with trashy people...with every type of person that you may find in and around the Toronto area. I mean think about it. this is the kind of place that Invented carnies. And no one looks odd being here.

When I lived in Scarborough, and the Wel-fair used to come around, you knew the people that stood out. Hell, I stood out...'cause I had teeth. And didn't look like I had killed someone before coming to ride the Zipper.

But this place...it's awesome. kate and i smoked a joint, walked to it, and then just absorbed the trash assault to the senses with glee. and we ate....boy did we eat...trash. (in order) we ate a cabbage roll, perogies, a caramel apple, Tiny Tom donuts, foot long corn dog, and fudge. The line-up for the funnel cake was just stupid - the line-ups for everything by this point were ridiculous - and so with a promise to catch Wonderland (and funnel cake...and yes babe, the Polar Express) before it closed for the season, we ended our visit to trashland and made the trek home...finishing the night off with a Big Mac meal. i mean what are long weekends for if you can't abuse your body?

Sometimes I hate the Internet...

2006-09-01T13:20:00.000-07:00

Like a drug, I'm craaaaaving good internet connection. it took me 9 minutes for this page to load. That would be like reading this sentence oh, 54 times?

That being said, here' the Friday Five:

Friday Fill-In

1. When I'm angry, I ____ Punch things. Not people though, just things. But that could change at aaaany moment.

2. The first time I ____ I also ____ The first time I Smoked hash, I also listened to Dark Side Of The Moon from beginning to end. And then moved on to the Moody Blues.

3. I was born in ____ I Was Born in a Manger, Died in the Saddle, and Came Back as a Horny Toad. Okay not really, but isn't that the best book title you ever heard?

4. My favorite ____ is ____ My favorite impromptu activity usually involves 60 minutes, nudity, and my girlfriend. And Then we Really get cookin'......

have a good long weekend!

5 I laughed so hard when ____

No five This Friday...Just me...all alone...

2006-08-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

Real quick, Kate went on a canoe trip for a week, so i'm alllll alone.....with my cat, my beer and beer drinking friends. Looking forward to getting stuff done, not looking forward to sleeping alone in my believed to be haunted apartment...ah well, I'm sure my killer cat will take care of me...by hiding under the bed....i'm convinced she has a casino set up under there since she likes it there so much....

And also, my bro's in another band called Luz Atomica. Check 'em out here:

http://www.myspace.com/luzatomica

Or see them play at the Kathedral on Sept. 6th. Ya!

I'm off to make myself pass out into sleep!

have a good weekend...

Let's Make her a Man!

2006-08-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

So for those of you who don't already know, the awesomely awesome Joss Whedon has signed on to write and direct the updated remake of...Wonder Woman. Looks like all their waiting on is casting of the lead character. Some rumours have been circulating the net that it may be Kate Beckinsale...i think that would be a mistake. i mean we're talking about a Greek Amazon Princess being played by....a 5'8" english woman. I just don't see it.

So Kate and I have been throwing around a few casting ideas of our own. A few Whedon fans have suggested Gina Torres...but the whole "black " thing might get in the way of people thinking she's suppoed to be Greek. She is a hulk of a woman though...and sexy....

I had suggested Maria Del Mar from National Velvet. She certainly Looks Greek...and she's huge! (she was the first woman I actually heard referred to as an amazon, so how fitting is that?). i know she's probably like forty-five now, but hey! It's Hollywood!

Of course, seeing as it Is Hollywood, i imagine they're gonna have a hard time finding a woman who is taller than 5'10" and weighs more than my leg. Where are the Brigitte Neilson's of today? (...who Aren't actually Brigitte Neilson....although There's an idea for ya...). So my final suggestion for the day?

Well It's a New Era! So why not treat it like so. Let's follow in the steps of last year's Oscars...Let's make Wonder Woman a Tranny! C'Mon, think of who would jump at the oppurtunity to take this role! It's like a guaranteed Oscar Nomination...especially if they have to kiss another man!

Think of the possibilities....Orlando Bloom, with his soft feminine features. Or Tom Cruise in his most challenging action role yet! Or heck, go black and pick Jamie Foxx...he played a woman on "In Living Colour" he can do it again! George Clooney could play the Queen of the Amazons, and Matt Damon could appear...well...somewhere I'm sure...

Seriously, someone contact Joss, I think I've solved his casting problems....

Friday Five

2006-08-11T09:11:00.001-07:00

Kick off your Sunday shoes

1. Do you work hard or do you take the easy way out?
If the easy way out isn't skimping...then bang on. But I am also a firm believer of "if you're gonna do it, do it right..."

2. How's your day going?
Fine and yours?

3. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Many.

4. Do you consider yourself cool?
Definitely...I put a lot of hard work into this, so i think i can finally say fer sure....

5. What's the last song you listened to?
Play by Flunk.

Once again, this Friday Five kinda blows. Where's the thought provoking questions? Shoes? I mean really....

Who needs a Cure for Cancer...

2006-08-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

...when we can study This!

"Study links music, teen sex" (Associated Press, August 8th, 2006)

This study was everywhere on the news yesterday. Apparently, "Teens whose iPods are full of music with raunchy, sexual lyrics start having sex sooner than those who prefer other songs, a study found."

"Among heavy listeners, 51 percent started having sex within two years, versus 29 percent of those who said they listened to little or no sexually degrading music."

"Exposure to lots of sexually degrading music "gives them a specific message about sex," said lead author Steven Martino, a researcher for Rand Corp. in Pittsburgh. Boys learn they should be relentless in pursuit of women and girls learn to view themselves as sex objects, he said."

"We think that really lowers kids' inhibitions and makes them less thoughtful" about sexual decisions and may influence them to make decisions they regret, he said.

The study, based on telephone interviews with 1,461 participants age 12 to 17, appears in the August issue of Pediatrics, being released today.

Most participants were virgins when they were first questioned in 2001. Follow-up interviews were done in 2002 and 2004 to see if music choice had influenced subsequent behavior."

Did you read that? 1,461 participants, phone interviews, over three years. And the results were let out yesterday so that's, um...two more years of looking at the results. Probably a team of, oh, ten, somewhat well paid people, a bunch of phones, some computers, a lab, all that study-like stuff...

My first and only thought when I heard And read about this was...Who Cares? Or as Mandy put it, "what exactly are we expected to do with this information?". Seriously. I mean not that there are better things for scientists to be studying like say...oh...leprousy? AIDS? Cancer? P-shaw. There are Other people taking care of That stuff...

On another, similar note (yet, oddly, more fun in my books)...

"Teens view oral sex as safer choice: study"

"About one in five ninth-graders in the U.S. say they've had oral sex, a finding that adults should keep in mind when counselling teens about sex, researchers say."

"The study, which appears in the April issue of the journal Pediatrics, was designed to gauge teen perceptions of oral sex versus vaginal sex."

""Adolescents (also) believed that oral sex is more acceptable than vaginal sex for adolescents their own age in both dating and non-dating situations, oral sex is less of a threat to their values and beliefs, and more of their peers will have oral sex than vaginal sex in the near future."

Woo-Hoo, finally the answers I have been looking for! Now I can go and....um....nothing...I guess....yup, money well spent...

Other Studies of Note:

"All Hangover Cures Useless: Study..." - Reuters - December 22, 2005
"Study finds left-handers don't die earlier" - AP - May 28, 1998
"Study Finds Worst Performance in Conservative Christian Schools" - New York Times - July 15, 2006
"Sex Speeds Up Evolution, Study Finds" - National Geographic News - March 30, 2005
"Study Finds Direct Link Between Misinformation and Public Misconception" - PIPA - October 2, 2003
"Study finds Wal-Mart contributes to poverty" - St. Louis Business Journal - May 17, 2006
"Bees can recognize human faces, study finds" - World Science - December 9, 2005

A honeybee inspects a photograph of a face in preparation for a landing. (Courtesy the Journal of Experimental Biology)

I think this officially puts Scientists on my "List of People I Love"...

more from News of the Weird

2006-08-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

In July, municipal officials in Provincetown, Mass., held a community meeting to air numerous complaints by heterosexuals that they are targets of hate speech by the town's large gay and lesbian population. [New Zealand Herald, 7-6-06] [BBC News, 5-17-06] [Boston Globe, 7-14-06]

Random Thought

2006-08-02T09:21:00.000-07:00

Is it weird that I think Rocky and Adrian Balboa are role models of romantic love?

TOP 5 FILM COUPLES

5) Buffy and Angel - so tragic, so in love, so fated to never be....I think I may have cried when Buffy first stabbed Angel at the end of Season 2. And I hate vampires...
4) Aragorn and Arwen - hope for long distance relationships everywhere...
3) Han and Leia - Until we found out that Leia and Luke were related, everyone was playing the "which one are you?" and "who do you think would get the girl?" game. I always voted for Han. And he won. Besides, the're a spunky couple...I bet they would have a great time getting drunk together.
2) Harry and Sally - Proof that friends can become the best lovers. And that laughter is indeed the best aphrodisiac.
1) Rocky and Adrian - Towers of support. This woman'll wipe the blood off his brow and this man'll kill anyone who makes her cry. If we could only all be so lucky.

More Time Well Spent...

2006-08-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

So I'm reeeeaaaaaallllyyyyy busy at work...obviously.

The first four questions of this survey were useless....so i skipped to number 5.

Oh, and if you haven't already seen it, watch 1 Giant Leap. And then read up on it here:

http://www.1giantleap.tv/php/summary.php?id=1&ID=

Aight!...

now onto the survey....

THIS or THAT

004.DOGS OR CATS?
traditionally i'm a cat person....but i'd like a dog at some point. answer though, cats.
005. COKE OR PEPSI?
pepsi....sweeter, smaller company.
006. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING?
mcdicks. bk makes my tummy hurt
007. LOVE OR LUST?
love......
008. GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?
it's just at 50%...deal with it.
009. NIKE OR ADIDAS?
crap...adidas?
010. FRIENDS OR FAMILY?
my friends are my family...
011. A FEW GOOD FRIENDS OR SEVERAL BUDDIES?
good freinds....buddies just sleep with your exes...
012. COMEDY OR DRAMA?
comedy (see yesterdays survey)
013. LOVE EM AND LEAVE EM OR REMAIN FRIENDS?
i hate to dwell, and yet i'm in touch with all my exes...
014. CHRISTMAS OR THANKSGIVING?
CHRISTMAS! - i love that shit...
015. SUNNY OR RAINY?
sunny
016. SNOW OR SAND?
my brain says sand....my northern roots say snow...and my eyes say yes...
017. PIZZA OR BURGER?
pizza
018. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
choco
019. BIG WEDDING OR ELOPE IN VEGAS?
is it my choice of how the wedding goes? or are we talking traditional boring snooze and drink fest? my planning, big wedding. snooze fest? vegas baby.
020. MONEY OR LOVE?
can't i have both? fine love....
021. MAKEUP OR NATURAL?
yeah! like i would wear make-up (shuddup kate)
022. DRESSED UP OR CASUAL?
yeah! like i would dress up.
023. SUN BLOCK OR TANNING LOTION?
i'm really white and i'm not a masochist.
024. POOL OR OCEAN?
ocean
025. BIG HOUSE OR BIG YARD?
geez....living in the city? house. outside the city? yard.
026. WINTER OR SUMMER?
dammit! summer...
027. RUN OR BIKE?
i don't own a bike, so run by default
028. YANKEES OR REDSOCKS?
yanks. they have better movies made about them.
029. CAR, TRUCK OR SUV?
Gertrude! my trusty P/U truck! (although i really want a nissan 350Z please...)
030. FOOTBALL OR BASEBALL?
baseball sucks! football rules!
031. BRITNEY OR CHRISTINA?
christina, in homage to my sister in law who's name is...christina. although britney is more fun to watch (she does alot of stupid things...)
032. BAD FOOD OR BAD SERVICE?
bad service, never sacrifice the food.
033. FLAT TIRE OR OUT OF GAS?
i know how to change a tire without having to walk 50 miles to buy a jerry can.
034. HEADACHE OR STOMACHACHE?
i hate them both. but i hate stomach aches more.
035. BEER OR LIQUOR?
Beer Baby!
036. CLUB OR BAR?
I gotta dance....club.
037. COWBOYS OR SURFERS?
do i have to hang out with them? and do the cowboys have their horses and guns? ah, i'll pick surfers anyways, 'cause they have better drugs...(unless the cowboys have some peyote....)
038. LAWYERS OR COPS?
i grew up in scarborugh and have years of training at dis-liking cops...at least lawyers i can argue with without getting hit with a baton or punched through a phone book.
039. MARDI GRAS OR NEW YEAR?
toughy....both good parties....but new years happens every year no matter where i am, so mardi gras.
040. OLE MISS OR MSU?
who cares....
041. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
eihn, i'd love to sleep with some republican ladies, you know, start a revolution. but i am a democrat...
042. MARIO OR PACMAN?
mario
043. CRAYONS OR MARKERS?
markers
044. APPLE OR ORANGE?
red apples
045. SALAD OR SOUP?
i love soup!
046. TEXT MESSAGE OR PHONE CALL?
i prefer to hear the oether person, but i text messages are just so handy....
047. SANTA CLAUS OR EASTER BUNNY?
does the easter bunny have a knife? is it donnie darko? okay, santa....
048. PRIVATE SCHOOL OR PUBLIC SCHOOL?
public...we need to meet the people...
049. JOCK OR NERD?
nerds like the same shows i do.
050. ROCK OR COUNTRY?
country is the devil's music. so rock.
051. SAD MOVIE OR SCARY MOVIE?
well why would i watch either? to cry or be scared? Nice choices...fine, scary.
052. ZOO OR AQUARIUM?
zoo!
053. PLANE OR TRAIN?
ooooo, i'd love to take a nice train ride across country. There's this great one that goes through moutains and shit. that's my choice.
054. SHARK OR SNAKE?
shark! i know so much about them thanks to kelly and the discovery frikkin channels "shark week".
055. MANICURE OR PEDICURE?
pedicure. let someon Else take care of my freakish feet.
056. COOK OR CLEAN?
cook! I love cooking! (side note, Dave and I were talking yesterday about cooking. He truly feels that it is a different experience for men than women. He thinks they view cooking like a chore, whereas guys will open a beer, put some music on, and will be more than content to sit there for hours, turning meat. I think he has a point...and i tend to fall into the guy side of things. never sacrifice the food!)
057. BEAVIS OR BUTTHEAD?
they're both idiots.
058. GOLDEN GIRLS OR MAMAS FAMILY?
golden girls. i learned all my pick up tricks from Blanche.
059. FRIENDS OR SEINFELD?
friends...
060. GREY'S ANATOMY OR LOST?
haven't watched either a whole lot but heard good things about both...still, i guess i'll pick grey's anatomy since i've seen more...
061. TV OR RADIO?
i love music, but don't like radio stations....so TV.
062. DRIVER OR PASSENGER?
must drive!
063. SKYDIVE OR SCUBADIVE?
oh geez....i guess if i had to pick one, skydive? or scuba....i'd do both, but only after much consideration...
064. RIGHT HANDED OR LEFT?
i am right (but think i was born left...from golf swings, baseball bats, that sort of thing). and i tend to really get along with left handed people. so i pick left.
065. BLONDES OR BRUNNETTES?
i'm more attracted to brunettes. even though i'm blonde.
066. PARIS HILTON OR LYNDSEY LOHAN?
well paris says some pretty awesome things...and really who the hell is she? so yeah, paris.
067. JESSICA SIMPSON OR ASHLEE SIMPSON?
ashlee.
068. TGIFRIDAYS OR CHILIS?
don't care.
069. STEAK OR LOBSTER?
lobster
070. WAKING UP EARLY OR GOING TO BED LATE?
late...i'm nocturnal
071. PAPER OR PLASTIC?
paper
072. WALMART OR TARGET?
target...or tarjee
073. SCENIC ROUTE OR SHORT CUT?
scenic
074. FLOWERS OR BUTTERFLIES?
bitterflies are cool....but you give flowers, you get laid.
075. THUNDER OR LIGHTNING?
lightning. looks cool.
076. JOB OR CAREER?
what's the difference?
077. CHILDREN OR PETS?
pets.
078. POOL OR SAUNA?
pool...although sweating is sexy...
079. DREAM JOB OR DREAM HOUSE?
oh c'mon. the dream job. it pays for the house.

Ya!!!

Screw the Friday Five...

2006-08-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

I tried to do last weeks Friday Five and it was ultra lame (and I felt like I had done it already...), so i found this one instead. If you happen to read it, do me a fave, pick a section (one of the lists of four) and answer it yourself. 'Cause then i can argue with you as to why you are wrong and I am right.

4 Jobs I've Had in My Life...
1. glorified grass-cutter
2. corporate button pusher
3. film producer's bitch
4. transport coordinator's bitch

4 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over...
1. Wonder Boys
2. It's All Gone Pete Tong
3. The Paper
4. High Fidelity
(apparently I can't watch dramas over and over...it's all comedy in My head)

4 Places I've lived...
1. Scarborough
2. The Danforth
3. The Annex
4. Roncesvalles
(so yeah, Toronto)

4 TV Shows I Love to Watch...
1. Friends (yeah whatever, it makes me feel good)
2. Buffy
3. My Name Is Earl
4. Arrested Development
(Comedy again....even though I love a bunch of serious shows, these ones came to mind)

4 Places I've Been on Vacation...
1. Georgia
2. Colorado
3. Florida
4. Miami
(I complain about Americans...and yet I just can't seem to get away from them....time for a passport methinks)

4 Websites I Visit Daily...
1. Maddox Best Page in the Universe
2. kate's Blog
3. Hollywood Stock exchange
4. Metacritic

4 of My Favorite Foods...
1. Prawns in Garlic Butter
2. Spaghetti with Meat Sauce
3. Korean BBQ
4. Butter Chicken

4 Places I'd Rather be Right Now...
1. Bali
2. In Kate's Pants
3. hillside Music Festival (if in my Utopia time stood still and it went on forever)
4. Valencia Spain

4 Bloggers I'm Tagging...(if you mean reading....then...um....)
1. Kate
2. Robyn
3. kate's ex (it's fun to read how life after kate has been)
4. kate's other ex (see above)

Okay, so maybe I can't argue about these questions....i'll try a differnt survey tomorrow...Then we'll have at it...

...feel free to answer anyways....

YA!

Give 'Em Hell...

2006-07-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

Toady is Kate's Peer Assessment. Although no part of me is worried as she is possibly the most capable person I know, I still wish her luck.

I mean, lookit her. Who wouldn't assess this peer with reverence and admiration?

Good Luck Babe...Not That You Need It.

Friday Five

2006-07-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

The road less traveled

1. What don't you understand?
Christians and their never ending obsession with gay people. Weird propoganda (when I say weird, I mean like how certain countries teach their children that big cats like jaguars eat melons as a meal, not animals, or how Christians teach their children that T-Rex' were herbivores and that kangaroos came from Africa)

2. Name someone in your life with blue eyes:
Okay, i said Kate initially, but was then
corrected (a big fault of mine...not knowing or mis-guessing people's eye colours...). So now I'm gonna hafta say...my dad? Maybe Turner?

3. When is a lie not really a lie?
When it's a half truth.

4. When is the last time you got really dirty?
Which dirty are we talking about...chances are, either one, the answer is last night...

5. Are you a lefty or a righty?
I'm a righty, but I think I was born a lefty and society "changed" me...ha! I showed them! I turned gay!

I Love Christians

2006-07-20T09:51:00.000-07:00

At a later date, I'll tell you why I love Christians in detail...but for right now, I will give you this quote...it's from the Zounds Youth Rock Ministries FAQ. Answered by This Guy...

Pastor and Lead Singer,
Fred "Skeet" Hoskins.
He's so dope.

"Dawg... wuzzup with your 'stache?
There's been some talkin' 'bout my mustache. Some of you think it's a wack dye job, but that's straight up not true. Let me give you the 411 about my 'stache... Back in 1995, when I turned away from my former lifestyle and let Christ into my heart, His transforming power was so totally awesome that my hair turned grey -- almost overnight, no jawsin' -- but my mustache miraculously stayed black! I knew this had to be a sign from God... but what was He tryin' to tell me? After a lot of thinkin' and prayin' I worked it out: ya see, the grey hair represents the wisdom that God has given me with all that I have lived through, and the black hair represents my connection with youth. Since the youthful hair is over my mouth, that means He wants me to speak to the youths! It was then that I knew that God's plan for me was to found a youth ministry, to help guide kids away from the mistakes that I made when I was their age. And that's how Zounds was born!"

Spoken like a true poet-slash-rockstar. I love Christians.

Don't Buy This Album

2006-07-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

"Years in the making, PEEPING TOM, noise rock renaissance man Mike Patton's most accessible work since his days in Faith No More, is finally a reality. The 11-track opus, featuring a lengthy and incongruous cast of guest performers, is set for a May 30 release on Patton's own Ipecac Recordings label."

Did you read that? YEARS IN THE MAKING. and still it SUCKS.

I stood at SoundScapes on Sunday, looking at the new releases, excited by the idea of buying a new CD (new CD day is my fave...okay, next to stay in bed and have sex all day day...). Ladytron was in my hand. I almost bought Ladytron and no, put it down, 'cause there, top corner, was Peeping Tom, the album I had been hearing abut, with all the awesome collaberations. So I bought it, excited to see what years of hard work and great guest appearances could pump out. Out it on in th truck. That was four days ago and I have yet to find one single track that I want to hear again (and I've really tried....).

I mean how can you fuck this up? You have eleven songs ALL of which have a guest appearances by some half decent-to-excellent artists. And NONE of them are any good. First problem, they all have Mike Patton from Faith No More singing. So every song has his whiney 80s rock voice in front. And what the hell kind of music is it? I mean it goes from death metal to...to what? Weird alt-lounge? Rap? Crap? And the lyrics! Oh man don't get me started...

The only good thing I can say about this is the innovative CD cover (you pull one side, the CD pops out the other). And that's it. That's the only thing (some would argue that the oppurtunity to hear Norah Jones say Mother fucker is also a good thing, but since all the music sucks, any content gets vetoed).

Some guy posted that "The whole album sounds very...1995. In a bad way.". He's got it nailed. It does. It sucks. Don't buy this album. Buy Ladytron instead.

Friday Five...Oh My....

2006-07-14T06:52:00.000-07:00

My first, my last, my...

Name the last person you...

1. Hugged: Kate

2. Smiled at: Well...technically, this guy i work with Rob. But i feel like I should be answering Kate.

3. Deceived: ??? I, um, don't think I really lie all that much...although i play jokes constantly, and they involve lying...so who did i play the last joke on? Maybe Betty Jo? Dave and i play joke pn people at work constantly, so maybe someone here?

4. Glared at: Once again, i glare for fun...and I glare at bad drivers....so who really knows...

5. Lusted after: Me! Oh okay, it's kate....

Hell-O Ladies....

2006-07-13T14:14:00.000-07:00

You're an Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges

If someone's hot, you'll go in for the kiss - end of story

You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses

A total spark plug - your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

I guess now you can "officially" believe the hype...

Friday Five....Baaaaaaby

2006-07-07T05:31:00.000-07:00

Ballerinas

1. Have you ever had an addiction?
Ummmmmm, Ummmmmm, well, no? I mean, I drink, I used to smoke, I do drugs, I can't Not listen to music, I have an incredibly high sex drive, I'm a serial monogamist and I hate being alone...and even though I would argue that I Do have an addictive personality, the final answer would be no. 'Cause I've gone lengths of time without some or all of these things, I've never busted down walls or hawked my TV to get them.

2. Are you afraid of the dark?
Yes. And yet I am definitely nocturnal. As a child I slept with either a nightlight or my door open. Now I just listen to music and find people to agree to sleep with me...but see me camping, and I definitely have systems...I don't like sleeping on the outside (in case murderers try to kill us in our tent...screw everyone else, I'm lookin' out for number 1!), I like falling asleep when others are still up (the sounds of voices are soothing, comforting), and I hate hate hate getting up in the middle of the night to pee (but that I just have to get over...every night...since I can't remember the last night I slept all the way through without having to pee)...and yet, there's trouble, even in the dark, I'll be the first to grab a weapon and go check it out...which I think could possibly make me the first to die in the movie...or the last...

3. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?
It Used to be Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia - a beautiful mix of chocolate, cherry chunks and ice cream...until the day that i bought a tub and it had neither chocolate OR cherries in it, sorta defeating the point and causing me to declare boycott...recently I've found myself strangely attracted to chocolate chip cookie dough...addictive frikkin' bastard ice cream...
Honorable Mention: Any Greg's HomeMade Ice Cream (Bloor and Spadina), but especially Sweet Cream...mmmm, sweeeet creeeaaaammm......

4. Have you ever been to the circus?
No. And if I was gonna go, it would be the Cirque du Soleil kind, not the Barnum and Bailey's kind...it's the whole animal thing, sorta makes me unhappy....

5. What do you think of North Korea testing nuclear weapons?
Just got into a discussion with Kate about this. i of course, am all about the love. i find North Korea to be an...unstable? unpredictable?...super power. That hates japan. (who can hate the Japanese? Have you watched their TV shows? It's awesome!). In an ideal world (that somehow involves me and my mountain of gold bullion) no one would have nukes. disputes would be resolved with Smart negotiation and a game of Risk...or a wrestling match.
Kate was of the opinion that in a world where the US is using might to Police everyone, playin' all "Big Brother" and shit, she too would want an arsenal of her own if she was an opposing country. And I agree to a point. But until the UN Actually starts being as effective as it was ideally meant to be, then we are gonna need the bigger more powerful more humane societies to stand up and attempt to stop the random civil wars, genocides and acts of inhumanity that seem to just sprout up all the time. Do I think this should be one country and not another? no. I think it should be the UN and a Peacekeeping force. And Who you help should not be judged by economical gain, no matter how expensive war is. But am I in some way glad that it's the US that's a super power and not North Korea? yes. Why? 'Cause I've had the "luxury" of actually knowing someone who spent time in Korea and let me tell you...you think media here is twisting the young? We've got Nothing compared to the propaganda and (for lack of a better term) brainwashing that goes on in some societies in the world. Just imagine that the Child who drew this...

..had access to nukes. 'Nuff said.

Weekend of HEEEELLLLL!

2006-07-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

...and when I say Hell, I mean it was pretty awesome and hot (insert reminder that I am the anti-christ...to some...here). This weekdn went camping, up to the bus. I had a pretty frikkin' relaxin' and pretty frikkin' good time. It was th first time I've gone camping with Kate, and I think we did pretty darn good...save perhaps the cooler rules we may have to go over before next time, i'd sy she was an ideal camping mate. The ride up was good, the ride back was great, and the in between stuff was perfect. She played well with the kids, partaking in volleyball and (my fave), Bocci.

And so we laughed, and sat by the fire, and played Bocci, and Kate stayed up past midnight, and i got to hang with my friends, but mostly I sat around and made eyes and kissed me girl. For all of you looking for a relaxing weekend, I highly reccomend it...except get your own damn Girl!

Friday Five

2006-06-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

Summer bound

1. How many foreign countries have you visited?
Honestly? I don't even own a passport...but I sure have Driven around the States alot...

2. What do you always take with you on vacation?
It used to be tradition to take the Christmas Pickle with me on all troad trips...mostly 'cause we used to do our annual road trip Right after Christmas, the grisl would get in the car and travel to whever Gloria was living at that time for New Years. It's a cactus that when turned on dances and sings Feliz Navidad...and it look slike a pickle. Now? Now i just make sure I have new road trip CDs....or my iPod.

3. Name something you've lost recently:
...my damn Razor Heads....I just bought the damn things and i can't find them....my legs are getting fuzzy...

4. Do you prefer action packed vacations or relaxing ones?
My life is action packed enough....although at one point I did want to train for the Eco Challenge...for now though, i'll take wandering and vegging out to Xtreme Vacations....

5. Other people's vacation photographs: do you really want to see them?
Depends on where they went. Looking at Julie's pics of Europe Really made me wanna go.....also depends on how god a photographe they are...let's face it, I can only look at so many badly shot pictures of peoples chest area...not that I don't like looking at the chest area...heh heh...ah never mind....

And that's it! Off to a weekend of camping and....vegging....

Apocalypse Now?

2006-06-29T13:46:00.000-07:00

It's the end of days I think. I mean, the signs are all there...the hail, the storms, the Brangelina child. Brink of war in the Gaza strip, North Korea getting ready to test nukes, the passing of the date 6/6/06, it's all there. I've even been having nightmares about alien attacks...so my question to you is, are you prepared?

I was thinking that maybe I would get ready for this impending doom by doing some push-ups, stocking up on some canned goods,maybe playing some video games (not only then honing my already cat-like reflexes, but also taking advantage of any down time left before being called upon to fight off Demon hordes...I mean, I've seen the movies, those guys Never have down time...). Now all I have to do is round up my ragtag troupe of heroes, and my trusty animal sidekick, as well as my already in place love interest and wait for the Stuff to hit the poop fan. Thank goodness I now have access to a truck...it'll make the perfect "kick ass" vehicle...

Quick notes on Debauchery

2006-06-27T11:53:00.000-07:00

Debauchery rocks. You can never quite get enough...by definition really...

Pride was pretty damn good. Pretty damn great. Spent lots of hours in altered states, in shmoopy stares, and in good company...

Glad I could be there, and look forward to next year.

Hope y'all had a good weekend.

More notes on debauchery to follow, just not today.

Ya!

Friday Five

2006-06-23T06:22:00.000-07:00

Last Firsts... [23 Jun 2006|08:14am]

1. What was the last new song you discovered?
I download stuff all the time, usually in spurts...the last spurt involved Psapp, Freeform Five and Jose Gonzalez (who I highly reccomend), all of which I hadn't heard before.

2. What was the last new dish you tasted?
New?...geez...Kate makes me try some things, but I can't remember the last...oh wait, Garlic snapes! we had them last night (stupid stupid stupid...)

3. Where was the last place you visited for the first time?
Tottenham...for the Wild Wings (also highly reccomended...50 flavours of wings, who can go wrong?)

4. Who was the last new person you met?
Probably someone at work (I work in film so every six months you switch the crew you're working with...), or someone at Justine's birthday...

5. What was the last new toy you played with?
Toy? Geez....do games count? Like Playstation? Although I don't know the last New one I played...Maybe My Mini Dunk? Not so new now (like a month old?) but it is a toy...and i do play with it...

And...Done!

You'd be Proud Too, if You had My Ass...

2006-06-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

It's Toronto Pride week folks. So I expect lots of liver damage, and lots of naked people of the good and bad varieties both. Hope to see you all out there, shaking your groove thangs, and doing body shots off of strangers. Or not...to each their own.

Who Buys this Crap?

2006-06-20T08:11:00.000-07:00

I'm a yahoo mail user. And I don't knwo about you, but recently there's been this surge of Spam involving stocks and the stock market. And it makes me laugh. Have you ever read this stuff? Today I got an e-mail entitled "complacency calcium". And it was for a stock. A stock that "is Going To Explode next 2-3 Days!!!". 'When This Stock Moves - WATCH OUT! This is your chance to get in while it is still low. Big watch in play this Tuesday morning! Put AGAO on your radar's now."

First, if you've ever gotten these e-mails (and read them...yes I do, but they fascinate me), usually the grammar is ten times worse than this. Like it's written by some small Indonesian child who is using "7 habits of highly effective people" as a guide to making money through the use of Spam.

Which brings me to my second universal inquiry. Who writes these things? Seriously. Is this the product of one of those flyers you see stapled to telephone poles? "Work at Home, Earn Big Bucks!"...write e-mails convincing dumb-asses to buy stocks. Do they do this from home? Are there many of them, in a room, comparing notes as to who's nailed the "essence" of their particular sale item in words. Do they have a target demographic? Do they make commission? Are they monkeys and this is all some animal plot to stimulate the sale of their Calcium Stock (which isn't all that dumb...seeing as success would drive the share price up, thus making their Calcium the cool stock on the block...damn monkeys, always outsmarting us...).

Who shops for stocks in their Spam? Who gets one of these e-mail and thinks to themselves "you know, they might have something here. I haven't invested in the stock market yet, but this might be my big break. I'll just ignore the bad grammar...I mean really, you don't Need to know how to Spell to know a good Stock. Heck, I'm in." You know who does that? Dumb-asses, that's who! Dumb-asses who deserve to lose their money to monkeys......and American Idol viewers......

Friday Five on....Monday!

2006-06-19T06:20:00.000-07:00

Dude

Name your favorite...

1. Candy:
Chocolate...Pie...Wonderbar (chocolate)....Pecan (pie)...i like sweet things...(yes babe, like you...)

2. Cookie:
Gotta go old school and say chocolate chip...although, if they were more readily available, I loooove those shortbread cookies with cunks of choclate in the middle...they have a name...i just don't remember it.

3. Donut:
Boston Cream, or double chocolate, dependent on mood.

4. Cold drink:
Beer! and fountain pop, of the Coke variety.

5. Hot beverage:
Coffee, and hot chocolate...

And that's it. have a good week!

Pump it Out!

2006-06-14T06:23:00.000-07:00

Alright, back to the grindstone. My life is, well, unique in some of it's aspects. One of them being that I only truly work, as in hold down a day job, for like half to 3/4s of the year. And this year, my day job started last Tuesday. Until then I hadn't been working steadily in about 7 months. it all has it's good and bad points.

But now, now that I'm back to work, earning steady pay, driving a vehicle, it's time to git er done. Time to make the list, check it twice, find out who's naughty...and get their number (kidding baby...I only want your number...and some of your hot friends maybe...). There's alllll kinds of things I've been meaning to get out of the way...some i've just been putting off for the sake of not doing anything that invovles movement or thought ("i am a Superhero with no particulaer power or motivation"). Looks like I might have to adopt a new code.

So I guess it's time to get a go on. My coffee mug awaits me, as does paper work, my drill, and a lovely box of unfinished projects. You ain't seen Nuthin' yet....

Friday Five

2006-06-09T10:43:00.000-07:00

Whoa!

1. Do you play cards?
Absolutely. Love it. Poker, Euchre, Hearts, Asshole, Knife you Neighbor, anything BUT Crazy Eight Countdown...That game is time you will never get back.

2. Do you have any rings on your hands?
Yup. Two right now, but always one at least. Used to be my Superman ring, 'till fate took it away. now it's my cross...until fate takes it away...

3. Would you describe yourself as innocent?
Hardly. Even if I am, people usually blame me anyways.

4. What do you think of chivalry?
Not enough of it around.

5. Have you seen The Thomas Crown Affair?
The original, not entirely. The remake, many times.

How these questions relate to each other, I don't know. I just do what I'm told.

Friday Five on Saturday (again)

2006-06-03T06:33:00.000-07:00

So this weeks Friday Five is (i think) a little lame. Why? Because I feel I would pretty much be answering the same thing for all of the questions. And that answer would change from week to week, depending entirely on what was "new" in my speech patterns that month...

That being said, here it is:

Curses!

Favorite phrase when you have:

1. Ate food that tasted bad
This one may be the odd man out as far as answers, but that's only because if I'm talking about my disgust then I probably would say the same thing here as in the questions to follow. However, honestly, my first instinctual answer to this would be...well...Yuck.

2. Stubbed your toe

Son of a Whore. Or Curses.

3. Become frustrated

Son of a Whore. Or Curses (mainly if I'm feeling more politically correct).

4. Broken something

Son of a Whore...or curses...

5. Been cut off by another driver

Ah, here you'll probably get a Bitch (but I only call men that...like in prison), Cock, Cocksucker, or...Son of a Whore.

And that's it! Now wasn't that fun?

It's All Comin' Up Roses...

2006-05-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

Not to jinx myself or nuthin', but it's summer, everyone's moved in relatively close by, and love is in the air. so if you're in my bubble, give yourself a pat on the back. Life is good. y'all are great. big hugs all around.

and if you happen to be talking to my girlfriend, please mention that she kicks ass. i would not have completed my move as smoothly and as sanely if she wasn't around. if their giving out awards, she should get one. a huge one. made of gold. and flowers.

big thanks to all who helped me get big things in my small (but super cool) space. i'm surrounded by awesomeness. thanks.

Moving Sucks.

2006-05-25T17:43:00.000-07:00

It's just that simple. Moving Sucks.

......

oh and shout outs to any and all those who have and will help me with this. it sucks and any help has and will be muchly appreciated.

and thank You packing nazi...you're a life saver...

off to pack!

I See Dumb People

2006-05-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

I'm moving this weekend. For the eitheen hundredth time. And that's why I've decided to spend my time wisely...blogging. Not even about moving. And not for too long.

I get this newsletter every week, B3TA. Brilliant really. Gotta love those Brits. This week, gem of all gems, there was a link to the best thing ever:

http://www.capohedz.com/typebrighter/2005/10/really-bad-tattoos.html

Bad Tattoos! It combines so many awesome things...stupid people, bad art, and permanence. I checked it out, giggled a bunch, and decided to share. I can't decide if my fave is the penis dragon OR the native woman hugging the gigantic corn dog. Enjoy!

PS Thanks to Christie for the title...she said she saw a shirt that said this and immediately thought of me....'cuase it's something I would say...not 'cause I'm dumb...blow me...

Friday Five

2006-05-19T08:59:00.001-07:00

There isn't enough space or time for me to answer this with 100%, no doubt, accept forever accuracy. The answers below represent what I think today, first reaction, gut instinct, for Friday May-whatever-today-is...:

iKnow

What songs would you play to match these situations?

1. At a sporting event:
Blur - Song 2 (my fave song to hum while golfing...right off the tee...Woo Hoo!)
AC/DC - For Those About To Rock...
Queen - We Will ROck You

2. At a party/social event:
Three Dog Night - Mama Told Me Not To Come
AC/DC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Almost Any Madonna

3. Utterly depressed:
The The - Love is Stronger Than Death
Any Elliott Smith
Iron And Wine (for the happier depressed person)

4. Driving in a car:
Too Many! All Too many!...
Any Dandy Warhols
Some Foo Fighters
RJD2
Been Listening to a couple of Organ songs ad-nauseum
Tom Petty - Running Down a Dream
Golden Earring - Radar Love

5. Feeling lustful:
Massive Attack - The Entire Mezzanine Album
Any Air (french band)
Outkast (Andre 3000) - Vibrate

These were quick first picks...my brain lives and breathes music so I'm sure in about two seconds I'm gonna think of others I want to put on here...dammit, just thought of two...curses!

Friday Five

2006-05-19T08:59:00.000-07:00

Get off my A#%!!!

2006-05-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

You ever been around that person, that complaining guy, the one who you pretty much drone out 'cause you know all they're gonna talk about is how the world sucks? News flash, the world does not in fact revolve around the space you yourself are inhabiting, so get over it.

Before I explain what prompted this outburst, I just want to preface by saying that I'm an asshole. Born and bred. I know I am. I'm told I am often enough. I even have a trophy stating this fact. I have no problem with this. Au contraire, I'm loud and proud about it. What does this have to do with complainers? Well, part of the "thing" that makes me an asshole is my ability to pick a fight with almost anyone. And pick it well. I argue with the best of them, and I poke holes...big holes...in almost any theory you want to throw at me.

So complainers...complainers to me remind me of activists (and hippies). And vice-versa. Don't get me wrong, I love a little bit of activism. Let's save the planet/community centre/Tori's tits. Ra hoo to all you who go the extra mile. The ones I'm talking about are the extremists (the fundamentalist Christians of the bunch). The guys who take everything just that extra inch too far, and too personally, thus taking them out of my "listen to them seriously" range and moving them to my "make fun of them, heck, pick a fight with them" target area.

So this morning we're sitting around and reading the Xtra and there's this 38 year old lesbian who writes in and complains about dykes who wear fake facial hair and pick up gay men in bars. She pretty much lambasted them, saying they set the gay movement back years, made lesbians untrustworthy, and their actions mock the "sexual freedom" that her and her older counterparts worked so hard to set up for the rest of us (where can I line up to thank you, oh gay saviour).

You know what I have to say to her?......."lick my nuts lady".......

This is exactly the type of lesbian I want to get into a room and strike up converstion with, you know, share my opnions about how women should really just be barefoot and in the kitchen. And if they could please stay away from "man" jobs, they'd be doing everyone a favor. I mean, we wouldn't want straight people everywhere to think women are men would we? That is, in effect, part of what she's saying right?

My favorite part of her uber-crappy letter was:
"By the by, there are quite a few women who have spent quite a few of their elder years dealing with - for them a big deal - facial hair and rape by men only to have some young women now blow that back in their faces by promoting mustaches and strap ons. This is not only a shake up in their lives but, if young dykes promote it, a shame and a reason to stay underground with their pain". Can you believe this? Let me guess, it's also the world's fault you're dull in conversation and don't have many friends?

Yes, people like this exist, a walking talking letter writing reason that stupid people are put on this earth for entertainment purposes only......and as instruments for fates random acts of "Holy Shit"ness, but that's a topic for another day. (by the way, from this letter, I'm gonna gather that our complainer is a rug eating walking carpet herself...keep up the good fight! don't let the hair win Chewbacca!)

So what do I have to say (besides the request for a nut licking) to our wooly friend? Get over yourself fuzzy. Last I checked, your bearded face wasn't on the Canadian dollar for pioneering the gay cause. So you don't want to put on fake facial hair and a strap on and act all butch, good on you! And let me guess, you'd rather stick to your button up flannel, your too tall bad jeans and your workboots. Way to go. Would you feel the world would be a better place if all the younger newer dykes began working towards a better gay Utopia, where women only slept with women, the short hairs with the long hairs, sex toys left at home in the closet, next to any sense of personal identity? You'd like us all to be you eh shaggy? There's sexual freedom for ya.

In your honor Yeti, I'm gonna go that extra mile. I'm gonna go out, throw on a strap on, shave my face until it grows a full beard, find 100 gay men and make them lick my fake nuts. And the whole time I'm gonna shout your name, letting the world know it was because of you, because of the extra mile you went, because of your pioneering ways, that I feel okay with doing exactly what I've been putting off all these years. Thank you, you hairy gaymo. This, this is freedom!

FYI SECTION

Words for hairy (some used, some not)

bearded, bewhiskered, bristly, downy, fleecy, flocculent, fluffy, furry, fuzzy, hirsute, lanate, pileous, piliferous, pilose, pubescent, rough, shaggy, stubbly, tufted, unshaven, unshorn, villous, whiskered, woolly

Hee hee, you said flocculent...

Friday Five...and a little touching...

2006-05-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

It's all relative

1. How many siblings do you have?
Two. Two bigger brothers. One who used to babysit me, the other who used to force me to smell his socks. I hang out more with the sock jackass now.

2. Do you get along with your family?
Depends. Our family dinners are hilarious. We're the "black sheep" family of our family and we bond as such. But get us in the same house for too long and we're real quick to find fault with each other...and scream about it...loudly...

3. Think you look like anyone in your family?
Here's the thing. I'm the youngest of three children. When you look at my two older brothers, and then at me, it's like they had a female love child and I popped out. I just figure my parents did it wrong the first two times and I'm the "juuust right" part of the three bears.

4. Do you want / do you have any children of your own?
Don't have any that I admit to, and would eventually love to have two kids. They don't necessarily have to be my children by birth even (how very lesbian of me...or how very Angelina Jolie, whichever...)

5. Special plans for Mother's Day?
Same old same old for all family events. I travel to Scarborough via subway, get picked up at the station, have a big four person family dinner (my oldest brother lives in the States) and then spend the night 'cause no one's sober enough to drive me back to the subway (and No I won't take the bus...from where my family lives, I'd rather not spend the two hours travelling across Scarborough on the frikkin' "Rocket").

Now. Firday Five out of the way, I'd just like to take a moment to shoot out at one of my pet peeves (oddly, probably one of my biggest pet peeves, and yet it's not on my top five list...): Strangers who think they're allowed to touch you. 'Cause they're not. Not even if they ask.

Here's the thing. A couple of days ago I drove over to Kate's and found her talking to the odd little man, who would later introduce himself to me as Matthew. I shook his hand (mmm, clammy...) and found out in about ten minutes that:

1) I'm gay and out!
2) I didn't know if you were a dude or a girl...don't hit me...
3) I'm new to the neighborhood, so if you see me......

Yeah. 'Cause I'm a huge fan of talking to strangers. It's no secret that I don't like people. The majority of them are stupid. Lets face it. Look at, say, the American Television Viewing Audience. They're a pretty dumb bunch and there's Millions of them. And I don't really need to waste my time talking to anyone who was responsible for keeping Full House on the tube for what? Eight years?

So now I was forced into future pleasantries with this clammy handed gay fellow. (Kate thinks he's staying in one of the halfway houses on the street...just the kind of "new" friends I like...the kind who have rules imposed on them by "the State" as a way of living...). And I was going to have to acknowledge him if I ran into him...

...like the next morning. When I was on my way to my car to go home. And he was walking up. And saw me. And asked me to give him a hug. A frikkin' hug. Like the clammy handshake wasn't enough! And Then he frikkin' complained when I only gave him an awkward half hug. "No, a real hug!" For the love of....so I hugged him...better...

I didn't want to hug this guy. I don't really want to hug anyone right now but Kate. It's kinda always been that way. My friend Geln is the same way and he calls himself "Tactile Intolerant". Works for me. I am "intolerant" when it comes to touching other people. I have my space, you have yours. People I've known for Years hafta fight to get a hug from me. But that's 'cause you can tell friends to get lost. Not so easy with "acknowledgeable strangers".

So now I'm left used and abused, feeling a little clammier (and yes even the Hug was clammy...like clammy back hug...yes I know I'm an asshole) and having a need to rant. Which I think I've accomplished marvelously.

Oh, and just so we're clear, I may avoid stupid people like the plague, but I find them terribly amusing. As do most people. Thus the huge success of Reality TV.

Oh, and I do appreciate the fact that world does allow for people like Matthew, friendly, outgooing, maybe a little crazy. Kudos to people like him for existing. Bigger kudos if they manage to not come in physical contact with me...unless they're dangerously cute female types....

FYI SECTION:

Top Five Pet Peeves:

1) The Need To Urinate - I firmly believe the world would be a better place if no one had to ever pee again. It's annoying, it always comes on at the worst possible times (driving, sex, movies, bars...). It makes you have to frequent public bathrooms. It just sucks. Really.

2) Cellophane and all such products - I buy lots of CDs. Some jackass invented that crappy cellophane wrapping that I wrestle to open every frikkin' time! Whoever that man is, he should be kicked in the teeth.

3) Public Bathrooms - Women suck sometimes. And when you're a chick who likes like a dude, public bathrooms will usually be the place that'll show you how much women can suck. Thank God most people are scared of me enough to just try and avoid me.

4) Pedestrians - Forget the fact that most pedestrians are just stupid people who can't afford cars. And forget the fact that I live in the jaywalking capitol of Canada. Fact is, pedestrians are out to get me. They are. Whether it be with the "I'm only pretending to talk to this guy on the corner until you try to turn the corner then I'll walk out in front of you and look at you in disgust 'cause you almost hit me" or the "hey I haven't seen this guy in years. Let's stop and talk in the middle of the road" pedestrians are always doing something really stupid to piss me off. It's a conspiracy. I know it is.

5) Wet Pant Cuffs - Rain and jeans that hang down low don't mix. Nothing more annoying than that feeling, after you've walked in the rain, and you take off your shoes and your pant cuffs rest nicely onto your socks and create wet spots. Yum.

Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me...

2006-05-10T05:31:00.000-07:00

...8:29 a.m., 8:30...I never used to wake up this early. Not unless I had too. I'm frikkin' nocturnal. I go to bed at like 4, and I wake up at like noon. Not anymore.

Part of me blames Kate. Damn schedule changer. She of the early nights and crack 'o' dawn mornings. Except she's in bed right now, sleeping.

Is it stress? Maybe. I mean, I do have to move in like two weeks, and I'm still not working steadily, but when I'm awake I'm not too stressed (maybe a little, but not "sleepless nights" level). And I am sleeping, just in spurts, and not for amazing amounts of time.

Maybe it's the sugar. I've been eating more. Or the coffee. I've been drinking more. Or any number of the self indulgent things I do now that I'm in happy land.

Or maybe my body just doesn't know what to do with it self anymore. It's not eating at the same times anymore, it's sleeping at odd hours (according to it) and it's having sex. Maybe it's looking in the mirror and feeling a little like Sybil.

In the meantime, I'm online, humping the pooch, waiting for the girl to wake from her slumber. Maybe I'll try to nap on the couch. Or maybe I'll take this time to finally learn to knit. How terribly productive of me (and so not even a possibility...if only I had some language tapes here...)

Winner isn't Everything, It's the ONLY Thing!

2006-05-07T11:51:00.000-07:00

Alright, so maybe I'm a little competitive. Maybe I am that person who can't be behind that slower car, or finds myself subconsciously walking faster so I can get to the door first. I have no problem with this. I think healthy competition is a fine catalyst to action. And besides, I also believe I'm better than everyone else and love the opportunity to prove it.

It's funny how competition can affect your relationships with people. Justine and I are naturally competitive with each other. We don't know any other way. I'd think that it's probably a big part of why we're still friends...we won't stop hanging out with each other until we finally figure out who wins. That's how friends work, right?

And then there's girlfriends. I forgot what a delicate balance it is competing against someone that you're going to later have to convince to have sex with you. Like last night...

I'm a huge fan of wrestling. I love it. The act of wrestling, not the crappy big sweaty men throwing chairs and belts at each other. I mean down and dirty, throwing each other around, limbs entwined, forcing someone down and....hold on...I need a minute...

Okay, seriously, I enjoy the sport of it, and yeah, sometimes the sexy stuff helps, depending on who you're wrestling. So I date these women, tell them I like to wrestle, they get all keen and challenge me. And it usually goes like this:

1) They attack me
2) We wrestle
3) I start to win/restrain
4) They yelp/tell me I'm hurting them (which I usually am not...really)
5) I stop wrestling, check with great concern if they are okay
6) They attack me again, and then proceed to do some sort of move/play that involves hurting me in order to win
7) I yelp in pain
8) They don't stop, I leave bruised and annoyed

Annette's move of pain used to be "crabby claws". She'd make hooks with her hands and press her jabby claws into my collarbone. It frikkin' kills. Kate, on the other hand, opts for a much more simple approach...punches in the stomach, hard pinches, and some gas pedalling.

I don't punch anyone in the belly when I'm wrestling! I don't pinch, I don't press on bones, and I don't gas pedal! I am a responsible wrestler with my girls. I don't squeeze too hard, and most of my wrsetling just consists of putting them in some sort of submissive position involving me restraining them. You know what happens then? They get mad, insist I let them go, then attack me again and punch/pinch/gas pedal me until I restrain them again. And this is supposed to be fun.

So what's the point? There is no point. There is no winning. There is just women (which I love), wrestling (which I love) and losing (which I hate) in order to get to have sex (which I love). Three out of four ain't so bad.

Friday Five on Saturday

2006-05-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

Viva Mexico!

1. Have you ever been to Mexico?
Nope. Haven't been many places at all, and almost none that weren't predominently english speaking. And that thought is making me itchier than crazy to get off this continent.

2. Do you know anyone who is currently in the military?
Nope. Had a cousin who used to be, and my friend's brother was in the Reserve, but
I think he's out of that now.

3. What is the last party you attended?
Went to a birthday last night, but it was more of a "gathering" than a party. I have been out dancing and did go to a weird party that looked a lot like a yuppy wine party with a touch of lesbian. But I'd say the last party party I went to was this burlesque party being held in a loft off Spadina. Not bad, but stupid stupid washroom set up. I peed in an alley twice that night.

4. What do you think about President Bush saying that the United States' National Anthem should only be sung in English?
I think President Bush is a moron with a cushy day job. That's why I try not to care about anything he says, unless Jon Stewart is using it for a punchline.

5. French fries or freedom fries?
Are you kidding me? I love the French!

Today is the First day of the Rest of Your Life...

2006-05-04T16:22:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wake up in a cold sweat wondering how you could have possibly let your life spiral this out of control?!? ...me neither...

Fact is, everything is grand. I'm deep in the throes of new love, I'm working, sun is shining and I'm busy with trying to find a new place to live. AND I was told that my "something" is that I'm the coolest girl Kate's ever dated (which would mean more if I wasn't listening to her walk around in the background with taps on her army boots...don't ask...). So all is well.

I don't even have anything to rant about. I could perhaps pick a nice random topic...sluts, or fundamentalists (one of my faves!). Maybe art, Brangelina and their role in the Apocalypse. So many things...except, truth be known, I've been busy all day. I'm gonna go snuggle. Later!

Everybody's Got Their Sumthin'...right?

2006-04-29T06:03:00.000-07:00

It is my firm belief that Everyone has their something. That thing that only they are good at...or at least better than the hordes that surround them. My friend Justine, she used to be the pool player. Now she's the carpenter (don't laugh, all my friends in some way or another embody uber-lesbian in some way or another...). Kelly? She's the grumpy one who somehow knows Everybody. Or at least makes it a point of getting to know everybody. And me? Well I used to be the strong one.

Maybe that's why it sucked to realize that in comparison to some, I'm a lightweight. And when I say some, I'm actually talking about the worst person in the wordl to be compared to...and lose. The ex. I'm not stronger. Just taller, apparently. And I drink more beer (translation: I'm waaaay more fun).

So if I lose strength, what do I have?

Well, I used to know how to make at least two Origami animals. But I've since lost the skill, so no. I don't own a gun, or am not a member of the NRA, so she's scarier (even With my usual stern glare and mohawk). I'm witty, but I've never talked to the ex, so who knows. She may be a regular Carrot Top. I Do let people punch me in the stomach every once in a while, but I'm sure that's not necessarily viewed as a Pro by all.

I know I've got something in there, it's just gonna take some digging. Past the video game prowess, on the other side of steak cooking awesomeness and somewhere near neverending well of charm, I'm sure there's a little leprechaun of hidden talent that's just waiting to jump put an surprise the world! And then Global Domination will begin!

...unless the hidden talent is like, pen balancing or something...then Global Pen Championship Domination will Begin!!!

Friday Five

2006-04-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

So this is something my girlfriend does. This five questions on Friday thing. And since i personally am a Huge fan of lists of five (which I'm sure will come out in blog form eventually), thought I might give it a try:

Is it me or you that I'm afraid of?

1. What's missing from your life?
A steady source of income, a steady sense of personal security, a lazy boy with a fridge and back massager in it.

2. Do you like to get drunk?
If you knew me you'd realize that this is a silly question. I'm a career drinker. It's in the genes...

3. Have you ever kissed a stranger?
Without knowing their name? no. Actually, probably no all around. It's always people I know and hang out with that end up with my tongue in their mouths.

4. Do you smoke?
Cigarettes? not anymore...But I AM pretty "smokin'"...(oh yeah, I had to write that)...

5. What makes you happy?
Right now? Lots of things. Good writing. Sunshine. Having a good time with my friends. Open bar events. And of course, Kate (even though she didn't put me down on her list...feel free to let her know she's a heartless cad in my comments...i'll forward them on to her...).

Customer Service can lick My...

2006-04-27T09:46:00.000-07:00

Okay so maybe I've never worked at a job that requires much customer service...or Any really...at all. Yes I've never worked in the service industry, so I may not know every side to every aspect of the whole story. But I've never really cared all that much about knowing all the info before forming my opinions, so why start now?

Fact of the matter is, if you're running a restaurant, even a crappy fast food chain, I would tend to think that there are some logical decisions involing the service of your customers, and some illogical decisions. Logical? Friendly mannersisms, asking the right questions, not peeing on the food. Illogical? Putting a person who can't do math on the till, getting the guy with no arms to clean the bathroom, and getting the REALLY FAT SWEATY GUY WITH SUPER ECZEMA ON HIS FACE TO DRESS THE BURGERS AT A HARVEY'S. I mean, C'MON!

So we're on our way to Oakville last night, and we decide, hmm, hungry, let's stop and get burgers. We stop at a Harvey's, line up, and order food from the lovely apathetic young woman behind the counter. Then we wait and eventually get called up to the "dressing" area to guide an employee into putting crap on our meat. Out walks this rather large man (no this isn't a size thing...read on) and steps up to the counter. At first I hesitated, thinking this might be a joke, nope, he's the guy, tell him what you want.

You have to picture him. Severely obese, shirt popping open at his belly (literally), only One glove on (and not even on the hand he did most of the food touching with), coughing towards the food, Huge beads of sweat on his face surrounded by MASSIVE FLAKEY BITS OF SKIN. There was even skin flakes all around his collar and on his shirt. Seriously. Now, I've had friends with really bad eczema. No big deal. Probably not the people i would ask to stand over my food while violently shaking a mayonnaise dispenser since it was almost empty.

I honestly thought it was a joke, or a hidden camera thing, or they just didn't like us (until I noticed that this was the guy serving Everyone). But no. This was customer service at it's finest. Needless to say, we all ate the food, then felt real crappy afterwards...

p.s. Just came back from Wendy's. They didn't give me any cutlery. Ever tried eating a salad with your hands? It super sucks.

Canes, Walkers, and Bad Bad Jeans

2006-04-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

What is up with Old People Pants? Like, seriously, it's like you get old, and you lose all sense of aesthetics. Do people over the age of forty not know how to pick out jeans?

So I'm at Swiss Chalet, picking up my bosses greek salad, and in walks a son, a mom, and a grand-mom, all wearing denim. Sure enough, the son's look fine, but mom and granma are "all bad' and "all worse". Mom's wearing those deep blue Levi's with the real hip hugging form and tapered legs, stopping about an inch short of her pants (before I get any flack for this, no they didn't look poor...c'mon, they were at a restaurant for lunch, it can't be a money thing...). But Mom's were a frikkin treat compared to Granma. 'Cause Granma was wearing what I've seen soooo many old woman wear...Granma jeans.

You know the ones....faded to light blue, real flimsy material, super short, and No Pockets! Christ! When are people going to learn that jeans are meant to have back pockets! (sorry sweets, i know you have a pair of non-back pocket jeans...i ignore it 'cause i really like having sex with you...). Jeans without back pockets do Nothing to make your ass look better, and Everything to make it look worse. Especially when you're really old! (when's the last time you saw a granma and thought "reowr, nice ass").

You just know that the whole non-back-pocket thing was invented by some guy who has a total ass fetish and just couldn't sell denim chaps as a marketable product. Just no good. Really.

So to all the ladies out there, hugging their assets with a thin layer of denim sans pockets, a few words: pockets rock. They add texture and mystery to the bottom. Layers. A cool place to slide your money and hand into. And they stop your ass from looking flat...even if you don't have a flat ass, "no pockets" will make everyone think you do, so please reconsider.

Really, good jeans are important. Anyone can look good in a good pair of jeans. The right choice is essential, yes, but that is why jeans kick ass. So much selection, you don't even really have to pay that much if you know what you're doing (although you Do tend to pay for what you Get...still, I don't think I'll ever pay triple digits for denim...that's just pushing it...). They're the universal clothing equaller (i know it's not an actual word...piss off). Take advantage. Buy good jeans. Or at least get someone under forty to tell you when yours suck.

Lord have Mercy

2006-04-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

I've turned into "that" person. You know, all smiley and singy. Comments on my super happy mood are everywhere. And everyone is rolling their eyes. It's...(gasp)...love...ish...

So now, I oogle girls, but just to look, not to try and sleep with. I apologize when I hit people. And I do nice things...often. Who is this stranger? The "hood" would chew me up and spit me out...or join hands with me and perhaps break into a West Side Story-ish song and dance? (highly unlikely, I know, but one can dream.)

Thank goodness my daydreams are in colour.

Like the Sands of Time...

2006-04-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

Alright fine, all is well. All is as it should be. We talked, and then had a fantastic 24 hrs. And now there's the meaningful gazes, the long touches, the unbelievably-annoying-to-everyone-else shmoopiness. How'm I supposed to look tough when I'm all giddy and doe-eyed?

So I figure, maybe I mug some yuppies, challenge a High School Football team to a rumble, and eat fifty hard boiled eggs, and I'll be back on top of intimidation mountain. Kick Ass!