Canes, Walkers, and Bad Bad Jeans

What is up with Old People Pants? Like, seriously, it's like you get old, and you lose all sense of aesthetics. Do people over the age of forty not know how to pick out jeans?

So I'm at Swiss Chalet, picking up my bosses greek salad, and in walks a son, a mom, and a grand-mom, all wearing denim. Sure enough, the son's look fine, but mom and granma are "all bad' and "all worse". Mom's wearing those deep blue Levi's with the real hip hugging form and tapered legs, stopping about an inch short of her pants (before I get any flack for this, no they didn't look poor...c'mon, they were at a restaurant for lunch, it can't be a money thing...). But Mom's were a frikkin treat compared to Granma. 'Cause Granma was wearing what I've seen soooo many old woman wear...Granma jeans.

You know the ones....faded to light blue, real flimsy material, super short, and No Pockets! Christ! When are people going to learn that jeans are meant to have back pockets! (sorry sweets, i know you have a pair of non-back pocket jeans...i ignore it 'cause i really like having sex with you...). Jeans without back pockets do Nothing to make your ass look better, and Everything to make it look worse. Especially when you're really old! (when's the last time you saw a granma and thought "reowr, nice ass").

You just know that the whole non-back-pocket thing was invented by some guy who has a total ass fetish and just couldn't sell denim chaps as a marketable product. Just no good. Really.

So to all the ladies out there, hugging their assets with a thin layer of denim sans pockets, a few words: pockets rock. They add texture and mystery to the bottom. Layers. A cool place to slide your money and hand into. And they stop your ass from looking flat...even if you don't have a flat ass, "no pockets" will make everyone think you do, so please reconsider.

Really, good jeans are important. Anyone can look good in a good pair of jeans. The right choice is essential, yes, but that is why jeans kick ass. So much selection, you don't even really have to pay that much if you know what you're doing (although you Do tend to pay for what you Get...still, I don't think I'll ever pay triple digits for denim...that's just pushing it...). They're the universal clothing equaller (i know it's not an actual word...piss off). Take advantage. Buy good jeans. Or at least get someone under forty to tell you when yours suck.